Carrie Bickmore: Why are total strangers judging my parenting skills?

CARRIE Bickmore reveals how an innocent conversation about helicopter parents saw her accused of putting her nine-year-old son in danger by letting him walk to school on his own.

Carrie Bickmore writes in Stellar magazine about how she unintentionally opened a can of worms when she mentioned her nine-year-old had started walking to school on his own.

GROWING up, my sisters and I would spend many Saturday nights curled up under the table at our local restaurant while our parents ate dinner and drank wine with their friends. We were tired, they weren’t ready to leave, so we’d make ourselves comfy and have a little nap.

Imagine posting that on Facebook today: “Gonna have another wine. Kids knackered, so they are using napkins as pillows under the table. #parentlyf”

Imagine the outrage. “Negligent parenting!” “How bloody selfish!”

Carrie Bickmore shares a winter walk with daughter Evie last year. Picture: ©Media-Mode.com

It didn’t feel negligent or selfish. In fact, we loved it.

Parenting in the age of social media is a risky business. Post your latest birthday cake creation and you’ll be shamed for setting standards too high for other mums.

Share a pic of your kid’s school lunch and someone will point out how chocolate crackles are the first step to childhood obesity.

Parenting can be a daunting experience and sharing is a way of coping with the ups and downs of the world’s toughest job.

I thought I was sharing a trivial anecdote

Mums have been sharing stories for centuries, but social media has made parental sharing (sharenting) different.

A few months ago on air, I mentioned how my nine-year-old had started walking to school on his own. I shared how I had no idea you were meant to call the school to check your child had made it safely. I emailed the teacher at lunchtime after my friend filled me in on the parenting policy! Bit late!

The panel then discussed how times had changed. When I was a kid I had to walk “three kays” to school on my own and my mum never had time to call to hear about my exciting arrival. She was too busy working and making rad cakes.

Carrie regularly discusses controversial topics on The Project with co-host Waleed Aly - including (gasp!) conversations about her experience as a mother.

I thought I was sharing a trivial anecdote about my son’s new-found independence, as part of a conversation about helicopter parenting. But I had opened a can of nasty worms.

People went out of their way to tell me nine is too young for a kid to walk to school, and I was negligent for not calling to check he’d made it safely.

Regardless of her reasons, the immediate reaction was vicious outrage.

I’m not sure if the fact the school is 75 metres from our house and requires no road crossing would mitigate the anger, but it’s not like I didn’t have my own worries about

sending my precious boy off on his own for the first time. Yet, my philosophy has always been I need to teach him independence so he knows how to cope in the world on his own.

It reminded me of the outcry after Rachael Finch mentioned her daughter spends weekends with her grandma so Rachael and her partner can have some time to themselves each week. She might as well have put her hand in a blender.

Rachael Finch faced online vitriol last year after she revealed that her daughter Violet spent weekends with her grandmother. Picture: Justin Lloyd

She was, unsurprisingly, pilloried for being, you guessed it, “selfish”. Perhaps she might spend more time with her daughter during the week than a lot of other mums or wishes to maintain a healthy relationship with her hubby.

Regardless of her reasons, the immediate reaction was vicious outrage. In a world where there is so much to be outraged about, where does the energy for this come from? There is nothing wrong with having an opinion. But do we really need the vitriol?

We want mums and dads to share their lives with us; we want and need to feel part of a community.

Carrie co-hosts The Project, 6.30pm weeknights, on Network Ten.

Originally published as Carrie Bickmore: Why are total strangers judging my parenting skills?