Why grandparents should never say ‘don’t tell your mum’

"Seems harmless doesn’t it? It’s not."

A grandmother has shared one golden rule she urges all other grandparents to follow. 

“Don’t be the grandparent who teaches your grandchild their first lesson in deception,” the grandmother said. 

Posting to the TikTok account MoreThanGrand, DeeDee explains why a seemingly “harmless” request could be doing more damage than good. 

“Asking grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents crosses a line that should never be crossed,” she declared.  

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"‘Don’t tell mummy’ is literally asking a child to lie to their parents."

DeeDee, whose account is dedicated to helping new grandparents navigate their role, says she often hears from parents worried about this very issue.

She offered up a scenario that might seem familiar. 

“Picture this you give your grandchild an extra cookie and say don’t tell mummy. Seems harmless doesn’t it? It’s not,” she explains. 

Why? Because that little request teaches something big.

“‘Don’t tell mummy’ is literally asking a child to lie to their parents. Children need to know that they can tell their parents anything and you’ve just taught them the opposite," she explained. 

It’s not just about honesty — DeeDee says this also undermines the parent-child relationship, and more worryingly, can put children at risk.

“A child’s safety can depend on open communication with their parents. Encouraging secret keeping is exactly how predators operate. You don’t want to normalise that,” she stressed.  

So what’s the fix? Simple, says DeeDee: Respect the rules parents set for their kids.

“If you can’t do something openly, don’t do it it all,” she said plainly. 

Image: TikTok/morethangrand

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"Safe adults do NOT ask children to keep secrets"

The comment section applauded her message.

“A grandparent who has an issue with this or says that the parent is being ridiculous... they are not safe people!” one person expressed.

“Granny here. Thank you for this. Safe adults do NOT ask children to keep secrets,” a fellow grandparent added. 

“I'm glad this is being talked about. I think people generally have good hearts, but they need to realise how damaging this is,” said a third. 

A fourth admitted: “I never think about it, so true. Thank you.”

DeeDee’s message, in the end, is simple. 

Your relationship with your grandchild should strengthen their family bonds not weaken them,” she shared. 

It’s not just a cookie. It’s a lesson in trust.

Originally published as Why grandparents should never say ‘don’t tell your mum’