'When I pick my 12yo up from school she stinks... It’s incredibly embarrassing'

"One day she will get humiliated by her friends or overhear the teachers."

A desperate mum has reached her wit’s end when it comes to her 12-year-old daughter’s hygiene.

Taking to a parenting forum on Reddit, she has shared a sticky (and smelly) situation she finds herself in.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this.

“I am fed up”

“Before I start, I want to let you know that I am fed up, so my language may come off harsh,” she wrote. 

“Our daughter does NOT like to clean herself…[and] we fight all the time.

“She smells incredibly musty almost every day, to the point where I’ve begun watching her shower to see if she knows how to wash!”

“It’s incredibly embarrassing that she leaves the house and returns home smelling awful. I am certain everyone smells her [because] when I pick her up from school, I can smell her when she opens the car door!

“She does not care,” she lamented.

The mum revealed that even though she has told her daughter “one day she will get humiliated by her friends or overhear the teachers,” her daughter just doesn’t care.

Tears and tantrums

The mum shared the fights with her daughter often end in tears and embarrassment but her daughter is back to skipping her showers the following day.

Despite her attempts to remedy the foul-smelling situation, “I have got her antibacterial soap, the BEST extra strength men’s deodorant… Did I forget she doesn’t brush her teeth either?” the mum is everything but begging for a solution from fellow parents.

“Please, I need real advice,” she wrote. 

“Some [people] are saying to let her grow out of it… but it isn’t that simple. 

“The school will think she isn’t cared for [and] she will get cavities. 

“The odour doesn’t come out of her clothes - therefore, I am spending extra money on clothes,” she ended the post.

RELATED: ‘Do you wear undies with workout gear?': Influencer’s confession divides women

“Some [people] are saying to let her grow out of it… but it isn’t that simple." Source: iStock

The internet weighs in

The post, which has over 300 comments, has amassed loads of advice, anecdotes and first-hand accounts of their experiences with smelly tweens and teens.

“The stinky stage. Most everyone goes through it,” my parent shared. 

“However, if she’s smelling as bad as you say she is…could it also be her diet? Hormones?” they questioned. 

One commenter warned, “I think you need to be more curious about the WHY, instead of trying to solve this by controlling her even more. 

“12 is a fragile age, taking her agency away is not going to do any good in the long run.” 

Is there more to it?

Many commenters mentioned mental health and sensory conditions, “I can’t say I ever had this issue, but have you addressed depression?” one asked.

“It’s possible she is depressed, and I know a lot of people struggle with self-care while being stuck in depression. 

“I would gently address her feelings without attacking her hygiene to determine what’s causing this behaviour.”

Another shared her own experience with hygiene, “As a former 12-year-old girl who got an ADHD diagnosis in her 30s, this sounds like me.”

“Motivation and sensory issues are huge among a lot of people with autism and/or ADHD,” informed one commenter. “"Quiet girls who do OK academically" often go undiagnosed until they're adults.”

RELATED: Woman starts debate about pyjama hygiene

Many warned the mum to tread carefully when approaching this situation. Source: iStock

A doctor’s advice

While the post received a variety of opinions and advice, it seems it’s not as straightforward as this mum may have hoped.

Dr Tori Cordiano, a licensed clinical psychologist who specialises in the emotional, psychological, and behavioural development of children, shared an article on her advice to tackling this stinking sitch.

“In your own conversations with your daughter… link her hygiene behaviours to her overall self-care,” she shared.

“A major developmental task of adolescence is learning to care for one’s self—body, mind, and feelings. 

“You might start by pointing out the excellent ways your daughter already cares for herself—maybe she’s a diligent student or a responsible teammate— before raising the topic of hygiene.

“Framing showering as an important way to take care of herself removes judgment from the conversation and makes it like any other task.”

She also recommended seeking the help of a third party, “Given that your daughter does not want to hear what you have to say, you might actually start by removing yourself from the conversation altogether and outsourcing some of what she needs to know.”

“Your daughter may be more receptive to this conversation from someone other than you, particularly if it’s brought up in a nonjudgmental, organic fashion,” she added.

While we’ll never know how this mum went on to deal with this smelly stage in her daughter’s development, here’s hoping it doesn’t put a strain on her relationship within the family.

Originally published as 'When I pick my 12yo up from school she stinks... It’s incredibly embarrassing'