The confusing birthday party trend stressing out parents

"When you put these sorts of instructions on the invite, should we really stick to them?"

Parents, will you join me in the no-gifts for birthday parties movement? Before you call me a Grinch, hear me out. 

This isn't a new phenomenon; "no gifts parties" are trending and have been preferred by many parents for years. 

Here's an example of why I am major fan.

The weekend is coming up, and if you have one to three children, there are at least one to three parties - class parties, friend parties, and half-birthdays (yes, we all know those people).

When you have multiple kids, for some reason, they always have them on simultaneously, yet couldn't be further away from each other. So, there's a lot of juggling that goes into scheduling. Now imagine all this running around, and on the way you realise..."I don't have a present!"

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Oh, biscuits, I forgot the present!

We've all been there. Not everyone has a cupboard of presents organised into categories of gender, age and price points. 

(As an aside, if you are that person, my cupboards need sprucing up.)

But back to presents. Now, imagine you don't have a gift to take... because the invite says, "NO GIFTS, PLEASE!" 

Suddenly, there's another reason to stress. Sure, you haven't wasted money buying a gift that doesn't look like it costs less than $20 but actually is less than $20. 

Then again, 'no gifts' can be confusing... do you actually mean it? Is the birthday kid happy with this? Or do we still bring something small? Can we really and truly rock up empty-handed?

Or, if you do take a gift, in defiance of the instructions, will this make the birthday parent mad?

What's the etiquette here?

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When you say 'no gifts', do you mean it?

Paige Turner, a mum and content creator, posted a viral video with some non-gift gift alternatives, that will keep your mental load lighter, your house decluttered, and your bank balance in the black (sort of). And can plausibly be seen as you not ignoring the 'no presents' instructions.

Paige says, first, there's the "fiver party" option - where everyone brings $5, and the birthday kid can buy something more substantial than if they got many little gifts. 

"Another great one is book swaps. Every kid attending the party brings a used book they love, and they leave it on a table, and when you leave, you take a different one home," the mum continues in her video. 

This is fantastic- it encourages a love of reading and books and eliminates party favours. Genius!

There's also the option of registering with a charity online. As a mum of three, I love the no-wrapping aspect to that one.

"We had to put a stop to it"

I also really relate to the parents asking for no gifts at all - I'm just not quite there yet.

Before I began implementing the Fiver party, my boys would receive 20 gifts from friends and family. After opening the gifts, their behaviour was less than desirable. And naturally, my husband and I would lose our sh*t because our kids just lost their sh*t after they were given gifts.

At first, we tried only opening a few presents on the day of the party, then one or two on the weekend after that. But every time, the behaviour was the same. 

We had to put a stop to it.

Their bougie parties are no joke, so please don't feel sorry for them. I certainly don't. We now do a cash collection (parents don't have to contribute if they don't want to). They get one or two significant gifts within a budget we set and put the remainder in their savings. 

Less clutter means fewer tantrums, and we are teaching them financial responsibility.

Less presents = less stress. Source: supplied

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To the 'no present' parents, you are not alone! 

When looking at the comments on Paige's post, I soon realised I wasn't alone. 

"I keep gift certificates for a local ice cream shop in my car. If my kids get invited to a birthday party, that’s what the birthday kid gets every time," one clever parent wrote. 

Another said, "We ask people to bring a donation item. Then I pack all of that up, and together with the birthday kid, we take it to the food pantry. It is a great lesson, and people feel better about not showing up empty-handed." 

And then there was this mum's take: "I always give a gift voucher, whether they ask for a gift or not. Parents are welcome to use the gift card themselves if they want." To this mum, I say, "Guilty as charged."

There have been times I've used my kids' vouchers for myself. I mean, I did grow them and give birth to them! 

Originally published as The confusing birthday party trend stressing out parents