'The bad bedtime habit I forced on my kids is now killing me'

"Where did I go so wrong? I know the answer. I can pinpoint the moment. "

We’ve had dinner, we’ve done bathtime, and now it’s time to start the real mission: bed.

As I look down at my watch, I groan internally.

I know that it’s going to take up to two hours to get my three kids to sleep, and I’m about ready to fall asleep myself.  

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"I'm the problem, it's me"

First, I try to trick the youngest one, who is two years old.

As I lie in bed with her listening to her suck on her “bot bot” then chattering to herself for a good 45 minutes while I close my eyes and pretend to go to sleep, I feel my patience waning.

Finally, she drifts off.

Next, it’s off to my six-year-old daughter’s mermaid bed for books and cuddles. After another half an hour with her, she’s out like a light, then my son wants me to lie with him. 

As I stare up at the ceiling in the dark, I think to myself, “Where did I go so wrong”?

But I know the answer. I can literally pinpoint the moment.

It was April, 2020.

Big things were happening around the world. Some plague-like virus I don’t care to mention had taken hold and back in Melbourne, my four-year-old son asked me a simple question.

“Mummy, will you lie with me?”

Ordinarily, I might have had other things to do, but that particular night I had nowhere to go. I was confined to my house and had all the time in the world, after all, so I replied, “sure, buddy.”

And so it began.

Image: Supplied

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"I started the bad bed habit"

Every night during those endless pandemic months, my husband or I would lie with our son as he drifted off to la-la land. 

It was wonderful to begin with, because it was a special time of the day when he would share stories with me. But as the years rolled by and we had other kids, it became more of a time challenge.

These days, I’ll admit that I have a love-hate relationship with the whole “lying to sleep” habit – to the point where as recently as last year I wrote a piece vowing that I would continue to do it for as long as my kids would allow me to.

Yep, I sound like a total hypocrite now.

But our son is almost 10 and with three children wanting us to lie with them until they nod off, it’s getting a little tiresome.

Recently, in desperation, I started putting everyone to bed in our room at the same time. 

It means I’m not spending two hours getting everyone down, but it also means the youngest is going to bed later, and I have to carry little people around the house once they are asleep.

When I can't be bothered relocating tiny bodies, they just camp out in our bedroom (#goodbyesexlife).

I know that all of this is my fault because I started a bad habit - one that is proving very difficult to break. Someone once said to me before I became a parent, “don’t start a habit you’re not prepared to continue.”

I should have listened.

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But... I also know that it won’t be forever.

At some point, my son won’t want me to cuddle him to sleep, and then I’ll be down to two kids, and eventually one, then none.

And so, for the time being, I’ll suck it up and try to remember to enjoy the snuggles.

While they last.

Originally published as 'The bad bedtime habit I forced on my kids is now killing me'