'Teachers aren't paid enough to deal with difficult parents like you'

After a dad complained to a teacher about his daughter's book being confiscated, he was told he was "one of those parents."

The teacher took away the girl's book. Image: IStock

We all know that teachers have to deal with a lot of opinionated and downright scary parents. 

From the helicopter mums who hover over every aspect of their child's life to the overbearing dads who can't handle bad marks, teachers are often the front-line soldiers against the war of entitled parents. 

But one dad, who confronted a teacher after she confiscated his daughter's book, was told that they aren't "paid enough" to deal with parents like him.

It's sparked much conversation online after the dad took to a popular parenting forum to vent his frustrations. 

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The teacher took away the girl's book. Image: IStock

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I've been labelled "one of those" parents

Taking to the Am I The A**hole forum, the dad explained that his daughter Cleo (11) has ADHD and was bullied for much of primary school because of it. Despite having brought it under control now, many kids in her year still don't play with her. 

Despite this, he says his daughter is very active and social outside of school, playing soccer and swimming lessons. 

He explains, "At school, however, she struggles to make friends. While I don’t think [the kids at school] have to play with her, it also means that she doesn’t socialise a lot at school. She’s okay with this.

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"Her teacher says our daughter often plays alone at recess or reads. My wife and I were not very concerned and explained she is very social and active after school.

"Cleo is a huge reader. She’s currently reading her way through my wife’s collection of books from her childhood. She loves them and treasures them, knowing they were her mama’s and wants to take great care of them. She came home on Tuesday, very upset and worried her mum would be upset with her. I asked why and she said her teacher took her book away and won’t give it back until tomorrow. When pressed for more information so she said she was reading at recess. Her teacher walked over, took the book and told her to go play. My daughter begged for her book back and the teacher refused."

The dad then assured Cleo that she wasn't in trouble and even called his wife who was at work to back him up. 

The poster continues, "It was quite concerning that she was so afraid, as my wife isn’t one to fly off the handle. She’s always gentle with Cleo. As suspected, my wife assured her she wasn’t upset and that Cleo did zero wrong.

"The next day, I brought Cleo to school early and walked her to class, no one but the teacher was there. I told the teacher to give me the book. She obliged and tried to defend herself. I told her to save it and she had no right. There is no rule that Cleo has to do physical activity at recess and we expressed no concern. The teacher said she was allowed to set boundaries for her class but I pointed out recess was free time. It’s not like Cleo is reading during maths. We went back and forth and finally, I said I’d be reaching out to the principal."

Needless to say, the issue was resolved and the principal told the dad that his daughter is allowed to read at recess "unless she is actively harming someone or reading during a non-designated time, she wouldn’t have any more books confiscated."

"My wife and I were pleased. Cleo even more so," the dad shared. But his good mood was soon deflated after he spoke to his cousin, who is also a teacher at the school. 

"She says what I did is 'hot gossip' in the teacher’s lounge and that I have been marked as 'one of those parents'. She says the teacher isn’t paid enough and I should’ve just accepted the rule."

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"Being a petty tyrant is a form of compensation?"

The dad says that while he and his wife feel justified in their actions, he's unsure if he acted appropriately. 

2.4k people weighed in with their thoughts on the discussion. 

The top comment with 19.5k likes and therefore the official verdict read: "NTA. And what does a teacher's pay have to do with her overstepping her bounds? One would think if she wasn't paid enough that she'd actually want to relax at recess instead of harassing children."

Someone replied in agreeance, saying: "Exactly, her being paid enough doesn't have anything to do with her going on a power trip and confiscating students' belongings when they aren't even doing anything wrong. Parents are definitely NTA."

"Sooo teachers get to take out their lack of pay on the kids? WTF," someone else pointed out. Someone added: "Being allowed to be a petty tyrant is a form of compensation?"

And teachers came out in full force reassuring the dad that he wasn't in the wrong.

"NTA, and I'm a teacher. This definitely does not make you 'that parent' under any definition of the term," one said.

Another wrote, "I am a teacher and I don’t get paid nearly enough. Therefore, I am not looking for more things to micromanage, I am looking for less to have on my plate. What teacher on earth cares if a kid is reading during recess? I would pay good money of the salary that I barely receive to get my students to want to read of their own free will."

And finally, this teacher went to town in defending the dad:

"They like to say that they aren’t paid enough to deal with parental (and other) bs.

"I’m a teacher, I get what the teacher means when they say this. HOWEVER, this saying is reserved for ridiculous, over-the-top, out-of-touch requests or demands from parents. THIS was justified and is par for the course in the teaching profession. Don’t want to deal with parents? Pick something else.

"Examples of ridiculous requests over the years:

• Mum emails saying she’s too tired to get up early enough to get her daughter changed out of PJs, and since I’m there every day anyway, if I'd make sure she’s changed before class starts.
• If I see her son has his hands down his pants, to allow him to 'finish' what he’s started without interference, because that’s embarrassing
• If I'd mind picking up and dropping off their kid in the mornings/afternoons to allow 10 more extra minutes of sleep and to avoid the 'long' bus ride home in the evening, after all, we live in the same neighbourhood, two mins from the school entrance.
• If I'd mind just giving his kid the answers to the maths test on Friday so he can memorise them as he just doesn’t have the patience to sit down and study, he’s rather relax after school."

So, safe to say the jury is well and truly in agreeance with this one. This dad is NOT the a**hole and kids reading on their own accord is a beautiful thing that should be encouraged, not punished. 

This article was published in April 2023 and was updated in April 2024. 

Originally published as 'Teachers aren't paid enough to deal with difficult parents like you'