OPINION: Don't do a gender reveal if you're going to be disappointed

"If you have strong feelings either way, maybe reconsider filming your reaction for the world and your future child to see."

Gender reveal parties are dumb. Even the inventor of them thinks so and says she regrets ever bringing the concept into the world.

After a reveal-gone-wrong burned down 10,000 acres of land in 2020, she took to Facebook and wrote, “Stop having these stupid parties. For the love of God, stop burning things down to tell everyone about your kid's penis. No one cares but you.”

But parents-to-be continue to burn things down and blow things up in order to reveal their kid’s penises, or lack thereof. And in September, a pilot tragically died after his plane crashed while releasing pink-coloured smoke into the air during a gender reveal.

These parties have gone too far and show no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

But I have a completely different reason for being pissed off about gender reveal parties and it has nothing to do with the silly novelties, trashy pranks and dangerous stunts.

It’s because I don’t think your reaction needs to be shared with the world in the first place. 

Let me explain.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

Image: TikTok

RELATED: I walked out of my surprise baby shower

The rise of the gender disappointment trend

If your social media feeds are anything like mine, you’ve probably seen a gender reveal or 30. 

Whether it’s an extravagant themed party or an intimate family gathering, they all hinge on the same pivotal moment - the big reveal of the baby's sex.

There are coloured confetti explosions, over-excited relatives, hugs, smiles and lots of happy tears. It’s all very joyous. 

But a new trend has emerged where people are sharing very raw, very unfiltered clips of them finding out the gender of their baby and it not being what they hoped for. 

TikTok user @almaslife shared a clip of her husband swearing and walking off after pink confetti fell from an umbrella, revealing he was having another girl. 

And the blogger @dailydoseofmygirlgang couldn’t hide her sadness either after finding out she was having a fourth girl, yelling, “Are you kidding me?” before bursting into tears. 

Then there was this couple, who spray painted a wall and the man was ecstatic about the colour of the paint and the expectant mum wasn't. 

These clips, along with many others, all have millions of views. The hashtag #genderdisappointment alone has 77.2 million views and #genderrevealfail has 1.7 billion views. 

RELATED: Bride asked me to ‘look less pregnant’ at wedding

These parties are really only revealing your gender hopes

So my question is, why have a gender reveal if you know that one gender is going to make you upset?

If you have strong feelings either way, maybe hold off on doing a very public reveal.

If you don’t know how you’re going to react, maybe hold off as well. Play it safe.

And if you’re secretly hoping for one gender, but think you’d be happy with the other, don’t trust yourself. Your true emotions could blindside you on the day and show up more intensely than you thought.

I honestly believe that you should only have a gender reveal party if you truly don’t care what the gender is.

Otherwise, doesn’t it defeat the purpose of the gender reveal in the first place?

You are supposed to reveal the gender of your baby, not your deepest darkest feelings surrounding it.

It’s not a ‘gender hopes reveal’.

Imagine that invitation… ‘Come and find out what we are hoping to have!’

The internet immortalises disappointment

I also don’t think that people truly consider the consequences of their disappointment being caught on camera and shared online.

In an era where the internet preserves everything, imagine your child stumbling across the viral video of you and seeing the letdown expression on your face.

It might seem trivial at the time, but it would undoubtedly be pretty damaging to find out that your parents would have preferred you to be a different sex.

I know I’d be gutted seeing that. Is it worth immortalising such a personal moment for the sake of clicks?

Image: TikTok

“But don’t these videos normalise gender disappointment?” Yes and no…

I can hear you yelling at your screen already - “But these videos normalise gender disappointment!”

And yes, that’s true — they're not always just for clicks.

Some people want to share these moments to raise awareness about the realities of gender disappointment.

But, dare I say it - isn’t that concept already normalised?

Like 1.2-billion-views-normalised?

We get it. Gender disappointment is real. It’s a thing. It happens.

That’s not to say it isn’t important to talk about it. I’m just not sure what adding your crying face to the existing body of content does exactly.

There are other ways to normalise gender disappointment

If you do want to share your gender disappointment with the world, might I suggest doing it in a less vulnerable way, aka. not at a public gender reveal where you can never take your reaction back.

Maybe find out in private so you can react as authentically as you like behind closed doors first.

Yell, cry, grieve, do what you need to do.

Then once the initial wave of emotions has subsided, make a video (if you must) where you discuss your feelings after you’ve processed them.

At least that way you’ll be adding to the conversation in a meaningful way and not just setting yourself up to be part of a 'gender reveal fail' montage.

Originally published as OPINION: Don't do a gender reveal if you're going to be disappointed