My wife and I don't agree on our daughter's school lunchbox

"Am I doing my daughter a disservice as her mum accuses?"

Jason* and his wife Mel* have two kids who are both in primary school, and recently, their 10-year-old daughter, Eliza* has been having her lunch stolen.

"The school has a canteen, and we always put money in accounts for the kids in case they want to eat school lunch instead of what we pack for them, so our daughter doesn't go hungry even if her lunch is taken," the dad explains to Reddit. 

"She also doesn't have any dietary restrictions," he adds. 

Mel works night shift as a nurse, so Jason is the one getting the kids up and ready for school in the morning, including packing lunches. And yes, he says he puts their names on "everything."

When Eliza's lunch gets stolen, Jason is the first to know about it. "The first few times I asked her to just eat canteen lunch, but she doesn't always like what they offer. So, I started making two lunches for her and told her to hide one in her backpack instead of bringing it into the classroom where the other lunches are," he explains.

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Husband and wife argue over stolen lunch

Jason continues:

"I've also talked with her teacher about it and she said she would be more vigilant about the lunches. But that hasn't stopped them from being stolen.

"My wife is up in arms about it and wants to bring it up to the principal. She thinks that whoever is stealing from our daughter is a thief and has some kind of grudge against our daughter. I, however, have a different view."

The way he sees it, whoever is taking the lunches "probably needs that food more than my daughter does."

"If their family had means of providing packed lunches, I would assume they would do so. Same goes for putting money in an account for school lunch. My feeling is that whichever kid is stealing lunches is hungry and I don't want to compound that by making this a bigger issue.

"The teacher is already aware and I don't feel we need to elevate this beyond that.

"Our family is not in dire financial trouble. We do just fine, but I know that isn't the case for everyone. And if packing two lunches for my daughter means that a hungry kid gets a solid meal, I'm okay with it coming out of our pockets."

Image: iStock

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"People need to know"

But Mel wants to escalate the issue as she feels "people need to know about this."

"I told her that we should wait and see if the teacher can figure out who the kid is and we can handle this without bringing the whole school down on this kid and their family," the dad says.

"My wife wants to set up meetings with the teacher and principal, but I told her she would need to be the one attending them, because I won't.

"And since she usually sleeps during the day when the kids are in school, she didn't like that. She thinks I am being an AH by not 'protecting our daughter.'

"But our daughter is not going hungry and whoever is taking her lunches isn't either, which I'm okay with."

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People say it's not sending the right message 

In the comments, the general consensus was that the dad wasn't actually helping his daughter, despite his good intentions.

"You shared your perspective and that of your wife, but what about your daughter? Does she feel victimised or is she onboard that the lunch thief is a hungry kid and that she is showing that child mercy?" someone asked.

"'It's okay to steal if you need it more' is not a good lesson for your child or other children," said a second. "Would it be okay for someone to come steal your car because they need it more? What about your wallet? What if they stole your daughter's backpack? All you are doing is contributing to the problem.

"And your daughter isn't the only child being stolen from. What if one of the other kids can't afford school lunch and is going hungry? The stealing child may be taking from someone who needs it even more than they do."

"Bringing two lunches isn't the solution," a third agreed. "If the child stealing the lunches needs extra support, it needs to be escalated in order to find the culprit and get them and possibly their family more support.

"While bringing the two lunches may be the humanitarian thing to do if the other child is being severely neglected (which might not be the case, their family could just be experiencing hardship), this is a moment where it can be recognised instead of slipping through the cracks of the system."

Originally published as My wife and I don't agree on our daughter's school lunchbox