‘My sister is trying to change me for her wedding; I’m going to be miserable’

“She insists it would suit me … but I have no intention of doing so,” Kitty said.

It should come as no surprise that people make plenty of sacrifices to create their dream wedding, but would you sacrifice your relationship with a relative to get it? 

Kitty* was excited when she learned her sister, Mae*, was engaged; it was her second sister to get married in the last few years, and the family was gearing up for the big day. 

However, she may have to change everything about herself for the big day, and she knows it’s going to make her miserable. 

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Kitty can't fathom changing her hair colour for her sister's wedding. Picture: iStock

“My sister told me to ‘tone down the colour’”

While Kitty was only a guest at her sister’s wedding last year, Mae “insists I be a bridesmaid,” she told Mumsnet. 

At first, Kitty didn’t want to be a bridesmaid, but over time, she gave in to the idea and agreed to be a part of the bridal party. 

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But shortly after agreeing to the role, Mae made a huge request. 

See, Kitty has “bright red hair”, something she has loved and showed off for close to a decade. “I love the colour,” she said. “It makes me feel good about myself.” 

Kitty hasn’t always felt this way about herself, but the hair colour change was a big step in the right direction. 

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“I even feel pretty on some days, which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body,” she said. 

The transformation she has felt from her hair isn’t a secret either; her family knows how much the colour means to her, but that hasn’t stopped her sister Mae from making a huge demand before the big day. 

“She has asked me to ‘tone down the colour [of my hair],’” Kitty said. 

Initially, Kitty was asked to “dye it blonde as she insists it would suit me”, but Kitty has “no intention of doing so.” If Kitty couldn’t dye her hair blonde, then Mae suggested she return to her natural colour - auburn. 

But Kitty doesn’t want to even consider dying her hair; she already “went through an identity crisis” when her other sister got married the year before, chopping her “long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour.” 

While the shade wasn’t as bold as her hair now, Kitty “hated it” and quickly returned to the colour she loved best. 

To make matters worse, Kitty absolutely despises the bridesmaid dress her sister Mae has chosen for the wedding. “I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type,” she said. 

However, since she is already compromising by wearing a dress he despises, she would rely on her hair colour “to back me up.” If she isn’t allowed to wear her bold red hair shade, she “[fears] it will be a miserable day for me.” 

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“You're not her accessory, you don't have to colour match.”

Kitty was met with mixed responses online, with some telling her she had every right to be annoyed. 

“It's your hair and your body,” read a comment. “It's not on her to tell you what colour it should be or how to style it.” 

“I’m not entirely sure when brides got to dictate hair colour,” another agreed. 

“You're not her accessory, you don't have to colour match. She's being selfish,” said a third. 

“I usually side with the bride in wedding dramas because I totally get why people’s wedding days are important to them but this is just completely awful,” a woman wrote. “Nothing to do with her what colour your hair is. You aren’t a prop for her wedding pics.” 

Others said she shouldn’t be afraid to make a sacrifice for her sister’s big day. 

“Did she perhaps think you did what you did for your other sister's wedding at her behest, and therefore that's why it's ok for her to ask this if you?” someone asked. 

“Wear a wig or don’t be a bridesmaid,” a person suggested. “I wouldn't want someone with bright red hair in my wedding photos so I wouldn't ask them to be bridesmaid,” another chimed in. 

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My sister is trying to change me for her wedding; I’m going to be miserable’