'My school told me I would ruin the night if I wore a dress to the formal'

“I’d never fully been comfortable within myself, so knowing that I didn’t have to be that way was intriguing,” she explains.

After four years exploring her identity and living in a closet, Emmey Leo put on a dress and proudly walked into her school formal.

While coming out as transgender at the age of 17 last year was hard, coming out at a Christian school and to a devoutly Christian family has torn the close-knit family and community apart.

“It was stressful. I was always scared they’d find out without me telling them and I didn’t know how they’d react,” 18-year-old Emmey, from Brisbane, tells Kidspot.

“I started to question my identity around 14 years old.

“I hadn’t thought about it until then, but I learnt about the queer community and began questioning it.”

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“The school wouldn’t let me go to the formal but finally agreed. They said it would ruin everyone’s night.” Source: Supplied to Kidspot

“I went down a long path questioning which identity fit me"

Through looking for answers and support on the internet, Emmey says she began to realise she didn’t have to be the same as everyone.

“I’d never fully been comfortable within myself, so knowing that I didn’t have to be that way was intriguing,” she explains.

“I went down a long path and questioning which identity fit me until I found one that fitted.

“I was mostly alone through the journey. I didn’t have friends at the time, but I was frequenting the online forum TrevorSpace to get help.

“It made me feel less alone and more confident knowing there were others going through it.”

RELATED: QLD school pushes parents to sign contract

Late last year, she found the courage to tell her mum she was transgender. Source: Supplied to Kidspot

"I first thought I was a gay male then realised I was transgender"

Emmey said initially she thought she was a gay male before questioning her gender and deciding she was non-binary.

However, slowly after becoming more uncomfortable with her masculinity she came to the conclusion she was transgender.

Late last year, she found the courage to tell her mum.

Janina, who appears on the SBS show Insight tonight at 8.30pm with Emmey, remembers the day distinctly.

“She was shaking and stuttering,” the 43-year-old mum, and psychologist, vividly recalls.

But Janina was accepting and supportive of her daughter’s change, despite coming from a devout Christian family.

RELATED: QLD teacher quits over gender identity contract

Emmey says when she was asked her to go to the school office she refused, and her mother contacted a lawyer for advice. Source: Supplied to Kidspot

"I felt threatened by the school because I couldn't wear a dress"

Six months later she proudly escorted her daughter on a shopping trip for a dress to wear to Emmey’s year 12 formal at Citipointe Christian College.

Emmey’s friends knew she was going to wear a dress, but she claims the school found out and tried to stop her.

She says when she was asked her to go to the office she refused, and her mother contacted a lawyer for advice.

“I was feeling threatened by them because they didn’t want me to wear a dress,” Emmey says.

“They wouldn’t let me go to the formal but finally agreed. They said it would ruin everyone’s night.”

RELATED: Brisbane school’s anti-gay contract for teachers

Emmey’s dad has now accepted her, but her wider family have not… and it has torn the close-knit family apart. Source: Supplied to Kidspot

“It was difficult for him to adjust to his child's new identity"

Her father, who is an employee at the school and heavily involved in the church, found out about Emmey’s gender when the school contacted him the week of the formal.

“It was a difficult period for him, fearing for his job and adjusting to Emmey’s new identity,” Janina explains.

“We come from a religious family and Emmey’s dad, and I raised them (Emmey and her younger brother and sister) in a Christian home with regular church attendance.

“He had had a 20-year relationship with the school and the family had been invested in Christian schooling since their beginnings.”

Emmey’s dad has now accepted her, but her wider family have not… and it has torn the close-knit family apart.

Janina and Emmey are now focusing their attention on ensuring children in other Christian schools don’t experience what Emmey did. Source: Supplied to Kidspot

"We believe strongly in supporting the queer community"

When Brisbane’s Citipointe Christian College made the news in January demanding parents sign an enrolment contract denouncing homosexuality and identifying as their birth gender, the extended family were angry their name was being associated with it.

Janina says they have refused to acknowledge Emmey as a girl, and she has distanced herself from some relatives on her dad’s side of the family.

She says her own parents, who they spent a lot of time with, now have little to do with them.

“My parents haven’t been in touch for the last two years. We used to see them sometimes twice a week. It has become very awkward and very strained,” Janina says.

“It’s very upsetting. I relied on my parents a lot for support and thought they’d support Emmey and me no matter what…

“It’s not a nice place to be in but we believe strongly in supporting the queer community and that goes above and beyond how a family member might feel because their beliefs are being challenged.”

Janina and Emmey are now focusing their attention on ensuring children in other Christian schools don’t experience what Emmey did and helping provide them with resources and education on LGBTQI topics.

Kidspot has contacted Citipointe Christian College. They had not replied at the time of publication.

Originally published as 'My school told me I would ruin the night if I wore a dress to the formal'