‘My kid is autistic and I need teachers at camp to make sure he wins every game’

The mum making the demand said it was the only way to avoid her son having meltdowns, but teachers at camp weren't having a bar of it. 

Sara was worried her son Connor would have a meltdown if he lost a game. Photo: iStock

Some kids have big feelings.

When my middle child was younger, I made sure we arrived at playgroup early so that we could get to the bin of tigers, lions and polar bears first and he could choose his favourites.

I let him hoard them for the whole two hours if he felt like it.

Why? Because the meltdown that would ensue if I ever deigned to suggest sharing made me want to sink into the ground with shame.

I enabled the behaviour, I know, but good parenting is about picking battles, and making a big-emotions kid share toys with kids we didn’t know wasn’t a battle I cared to fight. Don’t worry, I’m strict about lots of other things.

Sara knows my pain, and is arguably a lot more intense than I am about making sure her son Connor’s experience in life is like a calm blue ocean.

Recently, Connor was bound for school day camp, and in preparation for his arrival, she made a slightly unhinged request of the camp teachers: could they please ensure Connor never lost a game.

“Connor is autistic and his mum told me he has pretty severe meltdowns, triggered by losing,” a camp teacher wrote on Reddit.

“She asked me to make sure he never lost. This included his team never losing, letting him win all the races, making sure his team came first in relays, never letting him get tipped in tips.”

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Sara was worried her son Connor would have a meltdown if he lost a game. Photo: iStock

Mum asks camp to never let son lose

The teacher refused.

“I told her I couldn’t control that, and it was unfair to other kids if I told them to always let him win.”

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Sara was unhappy. She said that the family was working hard with Connor to avoid meltdowns, and that making him win would go a long way to them achieving that goal.

“I told her she really shouldn’t have sent him to a sports camp if she thought it would put him in distress.”

Sara was angry, but she left Connor at camp for the day anyway. He had two meltdowns and then next day he returned, this time dropped off by his dad.

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“From the two days and now five meltdowns (all lasting under an hour each), I believe either his mother underestimated his emotional regulation and ability to move on from losses, or the inclusion specialist we employ for neurodiverse kids was able to curb and limit his meltdowns better than his mum did at home.”

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Reddit weighs in

Many thought that the teacher was right and that Connor might be better suited for a different type of camp.

“There are plenty of camps of a less competitive nature,” one person said. “I’m autistic and I don’t have meltdowns from losing, but I hate the way most sports make me feel, and the sensory overload from that will absolutely give me a meltdown.

“Not only was her solution unfair to the other kids, it was unfair to her son,” the person added. “The worst thing you can do for an autistic kid is throw them into a situation that is likely to cause a meltdown.”

“Some kids, for neurological/disability reasons are going to have meltdowns,” another person said. “Teaching them how to handle their emotional volatility and engaging in strategies that let them express emotions safely and calm down is inclusion.”

Originally published as ‘My kid is autistic and I need teachers at camp to make sure he wins every game’