My husband won't pay my parents for being our daycare

"You shouldn't have to pay them - grandparents should want to babysit their grandkids," he argued. 

I think it’s fair to say that daycare is easily one of the most expensive elements of parenthood. Costs these days are skyrocketing, and, on average, can set back families upwards of $175 per day.

After going through the rigamarole with our first child – and me concluding that I was basically working to pay for daycare – I decided to reach out to my parents for help with our second.

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"I made a deal with them"

Their response? 

Well, of course they would! Why didn’t I ask them before!

My parents are retired and with that comes a lot of free time. But that free time is theirs. They can and should spend it enjoying life and not changing nappies. Hence, I was unsure (despite their reassurances) about asking them to take on the daycare duties of our 22-month-old. 

It wouldn’t be for long, I insisted, as we already had her name down at a pre-school which she would start attending when she turned three. They were thrilled. Joyous, in fact. But I still couldn’t shake that niggling doubt in my mind that I was using them. I don’t believe that grandparents should automatically shift into the role of secondary caretakers.

Let me make this clear: I’m not talking about the occasional day with the grandparents - I’m talking about labour-intensive, long days that require planning and patience.

So, I made a deal. To make myself feel better about the situation I decided I would pay my parents.

Not much, more of a thank you to them. They didn’t ask for anything, and the payment was all my idea. A few weeks went on and, as it turns out, my folks ended up spending most of that money on my daughter anyway. New clothes and toys, food, and excursions – you get the drift.

It wasn’t much money, but it was something and, ultimately, having them there helped our family out in a way that I will be forever grateful.

Image: iStock

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"My partner was aghast"

When I told my partner about my decision to pay my parents, he was aghast and demanded to know why. So, I rattled off everything that I’ve just explained but he remained unmoved.

“You shouldn’t have to pay them - grandparents should want to babysit their grandkids,” he argued.

I tried to explain that it’s not babysitting: “This is an everyday thing with long hours to boot,” I replied, before adding that “it will save us in the long run as it’s nowhere near as expensive as daycare”.

Eventually he relented, but never really changed his view on the matter. He couldn’t ever wrap his head around the fact that, while most grandparents adore babysitting their grandchildren, it’s an unfair, selfish, and even arrogant assumption they will just be there at the drop of a hat to take on the role of substitute caretaker.

Cost-of-living pressures impact them, too. 

Despite the disagreement with him, I’d still make the same offer. Our neighbours have two young children – roughly the same age as ours - and their family are overseas. They’ve got no option but to put both girls into daycare. Not a day goes by that they don’t remind me how lucky we are to have my parents so close by and for my children to be able to spend so much time with them while they’re young.

The money, merely a token, of my appreciation for the continuing sacrifice that parents, not all but most, continue to make for us.

Originally published as My husband won't pay my parents for being our daycare