‘My husband told a complete stranger about my traumatic birth behind my back’

“I was my birth. My body who did it. My heart who feels it. My decision to tell who I want to tell.”

Warning: This article contains sensitive content

Losing a child is one of the most devastating and heart-wrenching experiences for anyone to endure; everyone deals with grief in different ways.

It’s been two weeks since Diana* and her husband Paul* were supposed to welcome their first child together. 

For 37 weeks, their doctor told the couple their baby was healthy and happy, but tragically, their baby boy was stillborn. 

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Diana was dreading going back to her local cafe after losing the baby. Picture: iStock

My husband told our waitress about our stillborn

Understandably, Diana and Paul were devastated by the loss of their first child. 

“Quite possibly the most traumatic thing to ever happen to me,” she said on Reddit. “Me and my husband were both blindsided by this. He was so healthy up until that day.” 

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The couple got married a year before the pregnancy, and every Sunday since they got engaged, they’ve been spending their mornings at a local cafe. 

“Every single week, we have the same waitress,” Diana wrote, adding the waitress wouldn’t have been older than 18 or 19.

While the waitress had been nothing but kind to them, she was also very invested in the couple’s pregnancy. “She asked for bump update pics all the time,” Diana said. 

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However, after she lost her baby, Diana “dreaded” the idea of going anywhere near the cafe lest the waitress ask about the baby. It was an inevitable moment, she knew, but she wanted to hold out as long as possible before explaining what happened to their baby. 

Despite these feelings of distress, Paul told his wife that it would be a good idea to get out of the house for a bit, even if it was just for a coffee. 

“I didn’t want to go to get breakfast this week, but my husband told me it would [be] good if I felt up for it,” she explained. “After a long shower, I decided I would go.” 

Diana was expecting to hear a boatload of questions from the waitress when she and her husband arrived, but to her surprise, the waitress didn’t say a word. “She just kinda sad smiled at me but continued like usual,” Diana wrote. 

While Diana was “kinda shocked” that she wasn’t naked about her pregnancy, she “quickly realised” that her husband had revealed the secret beforehand. “In the car home, he had admitted he called the place,” she continued. 

Paul requested to speak to the teenage waitress and “told her that we unfortunately don’t have the baby and if she would be considerate enough to not ask, then we would appreciate it”.

Thankfully, the waitress took Paul’s note on board, but it didn’t stop Diana from feeling “infuriated” that her husband revealed their secret.

“It was my birth. My body who did it. My heart who feels it. My decision to tell who I want to tell,” she said. “I sobbed in the car, and I could tell my husband felt bad. He made me feel bad for feeling bad.” 

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“There’s no good way to handle a situation like this”

People were heartbroken by the story, offering the grieving couple their condolences for the “heartbreaking tragedy” they suffered. 

“Of course you’re upset,” a woman comforted Diana. “Having other people know makes it more real. That being said, I think your husband was just trying to make sure she didn’t say something that would have also been hard for you.” 

Others agreed with this comment, telling Diana that there was “no good way to handle a situation like this”, and Paul may have just been trying to avoid more heartache. 

“He was trying so hard for his wife just to have a normal breakfast,” someone said. “I think what he did was really thoughtful, actually.” 

“It's very caring that he called ahead to protect his wife, but he may have also been protecting his own emotions,” wrote another. 

They told Diana that her anger was a justified part of the grieving process, but her husband was also feeling immense pain from the loss and wanted to protect them both during such a difficult time. 

“You need to remember that it was his baby as well. It's his heart, too,” a person said. 

“Once your hormones settle down and time passes, you will see things differently,” said another. “For now, just hold and love each other.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My husband told a complete stranger about my traumatic birth behind my back’