My husband called my C-section 'the easy way out'

We advise this heartbroken mum, who's wondering how she can now possibly go ahead with baby #2.

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Advice Needed

I need to know if I'm being sensitive. We had our son four years ago, and he was delivered via c-section for a few reasons.

Since then, my husband has made random comments like "You didn't deliver him; he was cut out, a C-section is the easy way out" and "You wouldn't know what a real birth is".

We have spoken about trying for baby two, and again, he's thrown out comments like will you do natural or easy way out. I've told him these comments bother me, but he's told me I'm just being precious. Am I?

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Kidspot's  advice

First and foremost, you aren't being precious - it's rude, ungrateful and, again, rude.

Your partner, who did nothing but donate a body part to the experience, should STFU until he can carry and deliver a baby. I'll wait! 

When you hear the word "birth or labour", I would never pair it with the word, EASY!

I've been through it three times, and while I haven't had a c-section, I know many who have, I can safely say that any sort of birth is not "the easy way out".

Growing your baby for 40 weeks is no easy feat. It's tiring before parenting has officially started, and once you give birth, it's a level of tiredness you didn't think you knew you'd be capable of achieving. 

Giving birth is like running a marathon - exhausting and exciting but mostly exhausting emotionally and physically. That's not even taking into account if there's trauma, multiple births, or the million other things that could go wrong before it goes right with the arrival of your new baby. 

Me after giving birth to my first baby boy. Source: supplied

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You don't get a medal

As mothers, we don't get a medal for not having pain relief. We don't get a certificate saying 'you delivered via c-section' or a plaque that says 'you pushed out of your lady parts'.

The result is the same: you are a mother, and your baby is in your arms.

Yes, it's a beautiful experience for some, but not for many others. It's a means to an end. And all that mothers and fathers should want is a delivery that will ensure a healthy mum and bub afterwards. 

I also wanted to reach out to a specialist GP because I wanted her to share just how significant surgery is and that the postpartum journey can be challenging after this. 

Dr Samantha Saling, from Rose Healthcare in Sydney, said:

"I would tell him it is certainly not the easier way out. Women have many valid reasons for having a C-section (planned or emergency).

"This method of delivery has its own challenges that are often undermined. Women still go through the same hormonal changes postpartum, in addition to recovering from major abdominal surgery. It is not the easy way out.

"No method of giving birth is easy."

Dr Saling adds, "Bleeding is the same. However, the abdominal muscle recovery takes longer. 

"That's not to say vaginal delivery is easier. Recovery for every mum is different, and dependent on factors such as the extent of trauma and labour duration."

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"It's still birthing!"

But if you don't want to take my word for it or Dr Salings', know that almost 1,000 women on the Kidspot Facebook page support you:

• "Yeah, major abdominal surgery is definitely not the easy way out. I had my breech twins naturally and would choose that any day over a c-section. Your husband needs to go in the bin."

• "It is still birthing a child!!! All three of mine were c-sections, and I went through near death to have them! Tell him to shove it!"

• "So disrespectful! Regardless of how the baby arrived, you carried them to create a family, and you should be treated like a Queen for doing so! On top of all that, a C-section is painful in terms of recovery and has its own risks and complications and big emotions that go along with it. Certainly not the easy way out, just a different way to birth. Big red flags."

• "Birth isn't easy any way it happens. I hope he finds his sensitivity switch.. the audacity he has to think he can say you took the easy way out and that your being precious speaks volumes."

A man jumped into the chat to add, "From a male POV here. If he makes such comments, I would question the relationship. Regardless of a vaginal or C Section birth, you still carried the child for nine months and birthed him or her.

"I love that my wife did that three times cause I know I definitely couldn't, apart from the obvious anatomy issues. It's not the easy way out, that's for sure."

I hope this gives you some guidance, confidence and support you need, going forward. Whether you have another child with this man or not, you are doing an incredible job as a mother! 

Originally published as My husband called my C-section 'the easy way out'