‘My daughter said I’m a ‘chilled parent’ and now I’m worried’

“We let her slide on a few things, but her friends’ parents are a lot tougher- should we follow suit?”

A day in the life of a Chilean family living in a residential neighborhood in the capital Santiago.

Many parents face the challenge of finding the balance between being an authoritative figure in their teen’s life and also being someone they will talk to.

So, when one dad discovered her daughter referred to her as a ‘chill parent’, he was left in a whirlwind of confusion.

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“Is that a good thing?”

The dad took to Reddit to seek advice on whether he should toughen up with his teen.

“My teen’s (eldest) friend told me yesterday that she considers us the chill parents. I don’t know if that’s a good thing.

“Our teen is generally good. Straight As, scholar athlete, polite, wakes herself up 95% of days and gets herself ready and puts herself on the bus by 645AM. She works during breaks on her grandparents farm.

“We let her slide on a few things: bedtime, eating in her room, messy room. Her device is on a semi-lockdown, curfewed, and has no social media (password protected).

“We really don’t feel the need to micromanage her. Her friend’s parents are very strict, and her cousin's parents are very strict (devices are on hard lockdown)).

“She’s had a teacher and a coach tell her to “work smart, not hard” and she’s taken this to heart. I love the efficiency but worry that she may not know how to “grind” later in life. We wonder if we need to push just a little.

“But I’d feel hypocritical pushing for more. I’m the intelligent slacker type. Went to a good college but was okay getting Bs and now under-employed by choice. Wife was a B-student as well, eventually got her masters after she found her calling.

“The teen has, now, well-controlled anxiety and OCD. Hence, another reason I don’t want to apply too much pressure.

“I didn’t 100% like finding out that I’m the chill parent, because it came across as you let her do what she wants. 

“But she seems to hold up her end. 

“Are we too far over on the spectrum of chill? In what ways can we exhibit more of a push without being overbearing?”

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“She’s doing just fine”

The post has close to 100 comments, many of which remind the father that he’s already doing a great job.

One asked, “Why would she need to grind more? Did you read what you wrote? She gets up by herself (!), gets ready by herself (!) to get the bus at 645 (!)” 

Another joked, “By all other standards, I'd say OP raised one hell of a responsible teen! I'm not that disciplined myself and I'm pushing 30!”

One person reminded the father to ignore the noise: “She sounds like she's doing just fine. 

“Don't let other people's parenting affect what's going well for you. 

“Other people have to be more strict because their kids are not self-managing in the same way. 

“Even parents with multiple kids will parent them differently based on the kids' behaviour.”

RELATED: I use a tracking app on my teens – here’s how I get away with it

Would being labelled a 'chill parent' bother you? Source: iStock

Experts weigh in

Giving teenagers autonomy is crucial for their healthy development and transition into adulthood. 

According to research in adolescent psychology, granting autonomy fosters independence, self-confidence, and decision-making skills. 

Adolescent psychology experts believe autonomy allows teens to learn from their mistakes, develop a sense of responsibility, and build self-esteem. 

When teens are given the freedom to make decisions, they learn to weigh options, consider consequences, and solve problems effectively.

Autonomy also strengthens the parent-child relationship by building trust and open communication. 

When parents respect their teens' autonomy, it signals trust in their abilities, which in turn encourages teens to confide in their parents and seek their guidance when needed. 

This mutual respect forms a solid foundation for a healthy and supportive relationship.

So, while these parents are worried about being “too chill”, they are probably helping their teen in more ways than they realise.

Originally published as ‘My daughter said I’m a ‘chilled parent’ and now I’m worried’