My best friend wants me as a bridesmaid, but I’m not even invited to the wedding

“One of the first things Dana said to me was how excited she was for me and our other friend to be her bridesmaids … then she changed her mind.”

Ever since university, Isabelle* and Dana* have been close; as best friends, they’ve always discussed what their future might look like, and when it comes to walking down the aisle, there are plenty of opinions. 

As far as weddings go, Dana has always wanted to get hitched in another part of the world, with a “handful” of her closest friends by her side as bridesmaids. 

But when Dana announced she was engaged to her fiance, Dave*, everything changed. 

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Dana doesn't want her friends present at her wedding, but she still wants gifts. Picture: iStock

Bride doesn’t invite friends to wedding, still expects gifts and hen’s night

“When I saw Dana and Dave the day they got engaged, one of the first things Dana said to me was how excited she was for me and our other friend to be her bridesmaids,” Isabelle said on Reddit. 

However, once Dana started planning her wedding, the plans changed dramatically.

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The Tennessee couple must have realised just how expensive weddings can be, so in an effort to save some extra money, they decided to switch things up. 

“They have decided to have a tiny destination wedding in Colorado, and only immediate family will be invited,” Isabelle said. 

“They also plan on having a casual party for all of the rest of their family and friends after, but there will be no ceremony or sit-down dinner and will be very clearly NOT a second wedding.”

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So it was pretty obvious Isabelle, who has been Dana’s bestie for years, and her other closest friends would miss out on seeing the most important part of the wedding.

“Even though I was disappointed and hurt to hear that I would not be invited to the actual wedding, I understand that it is their right to have whatever kind of wedding they want,” she said. “And if it is not important to her that her best friends be there, that’s her choice.”

Unfortunately, just because Isabelle wasn’t invited to the ceremony, Dana didn’t expect her to stop fulfilling her bridesmaid duties. 

The bride-to-be, who failed to even invite her own best friends to her wedding, expects them to plan a “bridal shower, a long weekend trip to an expensive destination for her bachelorette party, and … a registry for wedding gifts”. 

No, I’m not joking.

To make matters weirder, Dana still refers to her friends as “bridesmaids”, which Isabelle finds “a bit ridiculous” since “we will not be present at the wedding and will have no special designation at the party, I don’t see how we actually are”. 

“She still expects to have these things thrown by and (presumably) paid for by people that ARENT EVEN INVITED TO THE ACTUAL WEDDING!” she shouted. 

There’s no secret how Isabelle feels about being forced to organise everything for the bride, but her friends are “split” on the issue. “Some want to confront her about this; some think that would be an a**hole move,” Isabelle said. 

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“She is tacky AF”

The general consensus agreed that despite what Dana believed if you’re not invited to the wedding, there’s a slim chance you’re still a bridesmaid.

“It's pretty simple, not a bridesmaid and therefore not responsible for what bridesmaids are expected to do,” someone said. “It's pretty rude of her to expect you to do all that stuff when you're not even invited to the wedding,” another agreed. 

“‘Bridesmaids’ who aren’t invited to the wedding aren't bridesmaids,” a third wrote. “She is tacky AF,” another chimed in. 

“She can’t expect anyone that isn’t invited to the wedding to take her on a trip for her bachelorette,” read a comment.

“If she wants to plan and invite people, that’s one thing, but paying for her? I don’t think so.” 

 Others drafted up some brilliant ways to get the point across to Dana.

“A book on wedding etiquette would make a perfect engagement gift,” a person laughed. 

*Names have been changed

Originally published as My best friend wants me as a bridesmaid, but I’m not even invited to the wedding