My adopted brother stole millions, but mum never stopped loving him

"An adopted kid is yours, right? So why do some adoptive parents think it's an option to 'give it back'?"

My parents already had three kids when they decided to adopt the cutest little baby and give us all a new brother.

I was 12 at the time, and *Noah was just a year old. We were all smitten, but never could have predicted how he'd change our lives.

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He was so loved, but it wasn't enough

Like his new siblings, Noah had landed the best mum and dad a kid could ask for. He was lavished with material things, enjoyed family holidays, and got the best education money could buy.

A parenting jackpot for all of us.

You can probably tell from that that our parents had money - they worked hard, and were successful. But we also had things money can't buy: adoring parents, who supported us, and believed in us, endlessly.

As it turns out, that was a winning combination for me and my other siblings; but it 'ruined' Noah.

We didn't get it at the time but Noah knew he was adopted, and as he was growing up, developed emotional issues about his adoption. Despite all of our efforts - I wouldn't even call if efforts, he was just always treated and loved equally - he felt different and like he didn't belong.

That explains what happened next.

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He began making up for not feeling good enough

Our family's successes led to this kid, who felt his didn't belong anywhere, to exaggerate status and wealth at a school - where he also felt compelled to 'compete' with the other kids.

He made up stories about who our family knew and what properties we owned. All kids do this sort of thing to some extent, but unbeknownst to us as a family, we didn't realise it was serious - and escalating.

When Noah left school, he trained as bank teller, and his downfall began. He started transferring small amounts of money to himself, and was quickly caught.

My parents' hearts were broken, but of course they repaid the bank, and spent money on legal fees. Looking back, they maybe shouldn't have. But none of us understood the depths of Noah's issues. We backed him as a family, as family would do if they could.

Image: supplied

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Mum thought she'd failed

Eventually, Noah committed some major white-collar crimes - and yes, that means to do with fraud. Desperate to prove his worth to his peers, he invented schemes and shouted his 'friends' to holidays and dinners and ridiculous things. He even bought two cars for them.

We only discovered this when our parents realised money was missing from their accounts - because he'd been stealing from them, also.

The betrayal and losses killed my mum especially. She didn't understand what she had done wrong in terms of him feeling compelled to commit these heinous acts.

But he was her son, and she protected him, especially because she'd been given a role to care for him and she thought she'd failed.

It was that motivation that led to her essentially enabling him over the next few years to the point that he was eventually jailed for his crimes, because they amounted to millions of dollars.

My parents were utterly devastated. They are good people who thought they'd raised their son right. But though they were furious with him (and themselves), they tried so many different things to turn him around, and their belief in the good in him never wavered. They did not give up on him, no matter how hard the financial losses, and the anger.

A decade later, and my brother is married to the most beautiful woman, and has a gorgeous son himself. Incredibly, he's a really good dad.

I credit my parents for how his life turned around; it's a testament to love and sacrifice and family. My siblings and I have also learned so much about that as well.

How can you legally reject a child?

I read stories these days about adoptive parents 'giving kids back'; putting kids back in the system because the child has proven too difficult to deal with, and continuing life as if the adoption never happened. 

I can understand adoptive parents - or any parents - needing support, needing resources. 

But how do you 'give back' - aka surrender - a child who is yours? How do you write yourself off as a parent to a minor who you were meant to rescue and treat as your own? And then say they are no longer yours? Legally revoke the adoption?

Even if it's better for that child to be elsewhere, such as a care facility, or rehab, do you need to totally expel them from the family you invited them in to? 

I'll never understand it.

Noah caused a lot of pain and trauma in our family, but he's deeply traumatised, too. That's why my parents would never give up on him, and never give him away - because that had already happened to him once.

Originally published as My adopted brother stole millions, but mum never stopped loving him