Mother’s Day 2021: Four women reveal their journey to motherhood

From IVF to adoption, surrogacy and everything in between, the journey to motherhood is rarely easy. Here, four women tell their stories about becoming mums.

Motherhood is supposed to be the most natural and easy thing in the world. But when it’s not, then things become complicated.

From IVF to adoption, surrogacy and everything in between, the journey to motherhood can be painful. Exhausting. All-encompassing. And something you wouldn’t swap for anything in the world.

Here, four women tell their stories.

I GAVE UP MY JOB TO BE WITH MY BABY

When Channel 7 news presenter Jessica Ridley made the decision not to return to work after maternity leave, she was torn.

She had baby Frank almost a year ago. Like so many mothers, she wanted her career, but she wanted to be with him too. And when tossing up an unpredictable newsroom with an unpredictable baby, family won.

“As a mum, your identity is stripped back, and your work identity is stripped back, so a change and a challenge can actually be really good,” the 32-year-old said. She believes that woman don’t have to be a “martyr” and try to do everything.

“A lot of my friends feel defeated all the time,” Jessica said.

“Failing at work and failing their kids and they’re letting everyone down and I think, why?

“If you can fight for your balance and try and get that right ... time is precious and time is all we have.

“And we had a lot in COVID but now things are getting back to normal … that little precious time you have together as family has to be guarded.”

TV journalist Jessica Ridley decided not to return to Network Seven after having her first child.

Originally from Western Australia, Jessica said she and her husband Ben made the decision together and, when she did, it was a big relief.

Born early and small, “Frank the tank” has certainly caught up and turned one on Wednesday.

After appearing on Sunrise for years with 3am starts and long days, Jessica missed a lot for the career she worked hard for. Now, she doesn’t want to miss a thing.

“It’s just not practical to be working that much right now,” she said.

“I’ve worked weekends and missed a lot — family events and weddings and funerals … and we have Frank’s first birthday coming up, and to know I can plan that and without a doubt can be there, instead of having a hesitation that I might get called up for work — that’s a really nice feeling at the ­moment.

“All you’ve got is your gut sometimes and I think my gut was telling me I was ready for a change and change is good. What you don’t change, you choose.

“So much has happened in the last 12 months — I had a baby, we had COVID, my husband’s work was impacted by COVID two weeks after we had Frank … and at a stressful time where we needed to be surrounded by family, we weren’t.

“But we had each other and we formed such a strong team, and this was a team decision.

“It was on our minds as to how it could work, because on-the-road reporting is so unpredictable. It’s amazing but it was almost ‘unpredictable baby versus unpredictable news’ — and I could just see it clashing a lot.”

TV reporter Jessica Ridley wanted to spend more time with her son Frank so she stepped away from working for Channel 7. Picture: Sam Ruttyn

She said while Seven offered some flexibility, like so many parents she just “wanted to be there” for her child.

“You just realise what you thought you could handle six months ago, now you can’t because they don’t need you less, they need you more,” she said.

“I love news media and want to stay in broadcasting and in this amazing industry, but there must be a better fit for me at this time in my life.

“I’ve had a big response from mums, in my industry, former colleagues and friends and lots of working mums.

“I think, ‘wow, how are they doing it all?’

”I hear the juggle is really hard and I think they are really courageous and brave for doing it but I also think this is courageous and brave, in saying I don’t think I can do it all, right now.

“I’m encouraged you can have both, but I’m really at the crossroads of parenthood and ambition at the ­moment.”

As a freelancer, the work-life balance is solely in Jessica’s hands.

“I’m not throwing my career away and I am still very committed to the work but I just believe there has got to be something that works better for
our family in the interim and some of that might be in the periphery of media,” she said.

“How could it work in corporate affairs and MC work or video production — I guess I’m really open to exploring all those opportunities and keeping my head up in some capacity.

“The experiences you have are like nothing else and the newsroom is like nowhere else and you miss it when you’re in not there. I know I’ll be back in some shape or form.”

HE NEEDED A MUM AND I NEEDED HIM

When Felicity ­became single in her late 30s, she wanted to be a mother but felt her chances of having a biological child were slim. So she became a foster carer to Jay, who came into her life a week before his first ­birthday.

Today, Jay is nine and, after ­formally adopting him last year, the pair are finally a family.

“I had wanted to become a mum since my early 30s, but the right ­relationship just hadn’t come along up until that point, so I decided to go it alone and to take on the care of one of the thousands of kids in NSW who cannot live with their biological parents,” the 49-year-old NSW woman, who did not want to be identified, said.

“The process of becoming a foster carer took about 18 months and ­involved extensive training and ­interviews, as well as a home safety inspection, working with children check and police check.

Felicity became a foster carer for Jay just before his first birthday. Now 9, she officially adopted him last year.

“At the time I applied to become a carer, there was still not a lot of talk about adoption from foster care.

“As time went by there were some policy changes at the state ­government level and now adoption and other forms of permanency are being more strongly advocated for … but the numbers of children adopted from foster care every year, while ­increasing, are still woefully low.”

Felicity said Jay was in long-term care with her until the adoption was ­formalised last year, before which she had the responsibility of being a mother, without the legal status of a parent.

“I needed to get permission from the foster care agency for all of Jay’s medical needs, decisions about his education, as well as getting ­permission if we wanted to leave the state,” Felicity said.

“We also had monthly home ­visits from a caseworker and the caseworker supervised visits with Jay’s birth family.”

Felicity started the process of ­applying for adoption when Jay was six, which took just over two years.

“The process itself was like ­applying to be a foster carer all over again, but this time there was more at stake,” she said.

“Now it wasn’t just me being assessed, but my relationship with Jay, and his opinion about being adopted.

“There were health checks, police check, working with children check, home safety checks — pretty much the same as before but more ­detailed.”

Felicity said their life together was a simple one and it was the small moments that made it so special.

A Mother's Day card from Jay, 9, to Felicity, who was his foster carer since he was one and adopted him last year.

“The best parts are when he does little things like the Mother’s Day card he made me last year, saying ‘I love you Mum’ … or when we are just hanging out at home watching a movie and eating popcorn,” she said.

“He is a funny, clever, high-energy boy, who keeps me on my toes but now he’s in my life I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“I love being a mum and motherhood for me is very ­different to how I had ­imagined. I didn’t give birth to my son and I missed the first year of his life. But I still experienced his first steps, his first sentence and his first lost tooth. I’m there every birthday, every Christmas and every other day.

“I see it as a great privilege to be able to choose to adopt him.”

Felicity said Mother’s Day was a chance to celebrate all mums, no matter how they came about becoming one.

“It can be a difficult day for many, especially those who want to be a mum and haven’t been able to, or those who have lost their mum,” she said.

“But I want others to know that adoption from foster care is ­possible.

“It takes a lot of time and dedication and it’s not for ­everyone — but for our family it’s worked out really well.”

OUR TRIPLE SURPRISE

For Sydney dermatology ­registrar Victoria Harris and husband Steve Sevier, falling pregnant with triplets was the “surprise of a lifetime”.

“I was working at the (Westmead) Children’s Hospital and knew I was pregnant but hadn’t yet had a scan,” Victoria said.

“I was due to have one with my husband the following day, but I wasn’t feeling well and had some concern so I called my obstetrician who suggested I just nip across and get an ultrasound so we know everything was OK.

“The sonographer asked me with a steely face to look at the screen — I ­immediately saw three sacs and I was almost on the floor!”

Steve Sevier and Victoria Harris with their triplet Grace, Sam and Edward Sevier.

She said they had always wanted a big family but never imagined that her career would allow it.

“Honestly, there were times when I was panic-stricken,” Victoria said.

“Triplets are classified as a high-risk pregnancy and just about every ­complication is increased exponentially from a singleton pregnancy.

“I was pregnant during a pandemic as a frontline worker at Westmead, which had been allocated as the main COVID hospital for NSW, with a bubbly two-year-old at home.

“It was a busy time and it was ­terrifying.”

Older brother Zac with his younger triplet siblings Grace, Sam and Edward.

Luckily, her pregnancy was uncomplicated and she gave birth to healthy triplets Grace, Sam and Edward Sevier at 36 weeks.

They are now seven months old and life is busy — but good.

“Life has changed, but my whole family has rallied around us and it truly is a village,” Victoria said.

“The early days are a blur. I managed to pump enough milk for all three for the first four months and they were on three-hourly feeds for the first six weeks so it was a military operation.

“I was so grateful for my healthy ­babies after worrying the whole pregnancy that it didn’t feel like work. It was just a joy to be able to hold them.”

Victoria Harris with her four kids all under the age of three.

Victoria Harris with her triplets.

She said the six-month mark was a real turning point and the family was ­finally “come up for air”.

“They were smiling non-stop, interacting with each other and my two-year-old Zac finally got some mum time again,” Victoria said.

“It was at this point that I started to look to our future and get my head around returning to work — I miss my patients and that part of my identity.”

Victoria, who has completed law and medical degrees, an internship, a residency, two years’ of dermatology research and a master’s degree just to be accepted into dermatology training, said she ­always wanted to be a mum with a career.

“I love being a mother but I also want to be a dermatologist,” she said.

“I want to be an interesting and ­inspiring person and someone for my kids to be proud of.

“Luckily my own mum has shown me it can be done — she is a powerhouse and my source of inspiration.

“She is the most amazing doctor to her patients and has raised four ­children in a happy marriage to my dad … she’s a rock star.

“There is currently a shortage of ­dermatologists in Australia so I’m ­determined to get through the remainder of my training and balance motherhood with this.”

WE NEVER GAVE UP ON OUR BABY DREAM

Ever since she was a little girl, Mira Abunucerah has always wanted to have children. But unable to carry a child, the 33-year-old Sydney woman and her fiance Daniel Haddad were forced to consider all their options to make their dreams come true.

It’s taken them four years and a staggering cost of close to $200,000 but, in July, they will leave for Canada to be there for the birth of their child, born via surrogate. And they pinch themselves, every day.

“We looked everywhere to find out how we can do surrogacy — we looked at India, the Ukraine, the USA — but we found that Canada was the most suitable and had matching medical systems to Australia, so we started researching and talking to people in the surrogacy community online,” Mira tells Saturday Extra.

“So we found an egg donor clinic and a surrogacy company that looks for the surrogates.”

She said Daniel’s sperm was sent to the US and 63 eggs turned into 17 healthy embryos that were frozen, ready to be transferred to a surrogate. However, finding the right one was no mean feat.

“They started sending us profiles and we had to create a little video montage of us, what we are like and our history, and the surrogate picks the parents — then we video chat and get to know them — it’s like dating,” she said.

Mira Abunucerah and Daniel Haddad are expecting their first child by surrogate in Canada later this year.

“The first one we were matched with didn’t realise we were overseas, so that fell through and the second one wasn’t the right fit.

“The third one we got to almost signing contracts and found out she was living in a car and had lost ­custody of her own kid, so that fell through.

“I was an absolute mess. And then we met Nadine.”

The couple got to know their ­surrogate via video chats and she got her medical check in June last year. In November they did the ­embryo transfer and Nadine is now 24 weeks pregnant with Mira and Daniel’s baby.

“She sent me a photo of the pregnancy test and I just burst into tears,” the schoolteacher said.

“I was still so super nervous because we’ve had so many mishaps but the first transfer worked.

“I still can’t believe we’re having a baby and next Mother’s Day that will be me, I’ll be a mum.

“I’m honestly in disbelief ... I can’t believe this is happening — I just thought my whole life, this would never happen for me.”

Mira will be in the delivery suite when their baby is born and have the first skin-to-skin moments with their child. They will then fly to Vancouver to complete Australian Embassy paperwork and quarantine for two weeks in Sydney with their newborn.

They hope to be home, as a family, by September.

“Things really have to change in Australia,” Mira said.

“You can’t advertise for a surrogate, there are so many restrictions on who can be, and the law is that if the woman gives birth then her name is on the birth certificate, even though they aren’t biologically linked.

“You basically need to find someone you know to carry for you, and that can be so hard.

“It has to change.”

Originally published as Mother’s Day 2021: Four women reveal their journey to motherhood