Mate, don't try too hard this Father's Day if your Mother's Day was crap

"If you were bitterly disappointed by the dad of your kids when you were meant to be celebrated, relax: simply return the favour on Sunday." 

It’s late August, which any mum with access to the internet knows means one thing: Father’s Day is nearly upon us, and it’s our responsibility to buy the father of our kids a special gift.

What will it be this year?

Something cute and quirky like a pair of socks with his baby’s face on them? Something expensive and sophisticated, like a shiny new leather wallet or a fancy cologne?

Something personalised to his interests, like a nice bottle of Scotch with his name on it, some new golf clubs or even a new barbeque?

These gifts have one critical thing in common: they would have been chosen painstakingly, by a wife and mother desperate to give something meaningful.

Yes, dear reader, that means most of us.

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That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with those gifts. On the contrary, they’re all lovely ways to celebrate a man who’s raising your children, and hopefully doing a great job.

But there is something wrong with a culture which insists that women should spend up big for Father’s Day when, in all likelihood, they didn’t receive anywhere near as much effort on Mother’s Day.

Image: Zoe Rochford

We’re lucky enough in Australia that Father’s Day falls later in the year than Mother’s Day, so mums faced with the dilemma of just how thoughtful they should be this Father’s Day have a direct point of comparison.

What did your Mother’s Day look like this year?

Did it involve a lot of effort and expense from your partner? Did you get a gift? Did he (bonus points) take the kids out so you could actually have some time to yourself and relax?

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Or, on the other end of the spectrum, did he say something dismissive like “well, you’re not MY mother”?

Did he expect you to get both your own mum and his mum a present but not get you anything? Did you cook a meal for your extended family without acknowledgement?

Did you have to parent your kids just as much as usual without any additional intervention on his part? If you asked for a particular gift, did he do the bare minimum and follow instructions, or did he forget?

Did he - God forbid - “let the kids choose” your gift, resulting in a generic pair of slippers you didn’t want and don’t like?

And if so… why would you jump through hoops to select the perfect Father’s Day present for him?

To be clear, I’m not advocating for you to be horrible to your partner on Father’s Day (although perhaps he would deserve it). I’m simply saying that you’re allowed to put in commensurate effort on Father’s Day to what you received on Mother’s Day.

If you were the recipient of a mediocre Mother’s Day present this year, there’s still time to repay the favour and give a mediocre Father’s Day present - or none at all. And if you’ve already cooked a Mother’s Day breakfast, brunch, lunch or dinner this year, especially for anyone outside your immediate family, then now would be a good time to flag that you won’t also be catering a Father’s Day family meal.

And if that level of effort is perceived as insufficient, well, I think that speaks for itself.

Originally published as Mate, don't try too hard this Father's Day if your Mother's Day was crap