Losing my dad has changed the mum that I am

"It was merely days between the diagnosis and his death. This is our first Father's Day without him... but in many ways he's still here."

Earlier this year, I lost my dad. It happened quickly - there were a few days between finding out he had cancer to losing him. 

I wasn’t prepared for the overwhelming rush of grief, or the uncertainty of navigating life without him.

His absence is a constant presence – it’s a void I feel every day. The loss has profoundly changed my outlook on life, which has naturally impacted the way I parent.

Here are some of the shifts I’ve experienced…

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Karen and her dad on her wedding day. Image: Supplied

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The shifts I have experienced since losing my dad

New perspective on the world 

When you experience loss, you look at the world through a new lens. Where I once let small things stress me out, I now understand their insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Zooming out to see the bigger picture helps me understand what is most important.

This new perspective is helpful when it comes to navigating school dramas, friendship issues and homework stresses with my kids as I can see they’re only temporary challenges and I can help them keep things in context. 

Prioritising our family traditions 

I’ve become even more committed to making memories with my kids. My favourite memory of my dad was our annual tradition of choosing a Christmas tree together when I was growing up.

These little traditions are far more important than either of us realised at the time. I want my kids to have those core memories of our time together, so I’m going to keep our family traditions going and create more of them where I can. 

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Karen feels her dad's loss acutely. Image: Supplied

Lasting legacy

Losing my dad has been an incredibly painful journey, but it has also given me the strength to parent with more intention, love, and understanding.

His influence lives on in the way I raise my kids, and I like to think he’s somewhere watching over us, encouraging us to enjoy the little things in life - like having fish and chips on the beach this Father’s Day.

Focusing on joy and gratitude

Losing someone is like being on a roller coaster - sometimes I feel numb and empty, other times I’m choked up with emotion. I’ve learned to seek joy in the small things and focus on what makes me happy.

What we focus on grows, so while I allow myself to grieve, I also intentionally look for the good things in life. I share this attitude with my kids, teaching them to find gratitude even in difficult times. I can already see how it’s shaping the way they view the world.

Embracing all emotions

I’ve become more open to discussing emotions with my children. My dad’s passing taught me the importance of expressing feelings and acknowledging grief.

I want my kids to know it’s okay to feel sad and to cry - it’s healthy to talk about our emotions and it is safe to share how you’re feeling.

Emotions are energy and they need the time and space to pass through our bodies so we can process them – bottling things up isn’t healthy.

Prioritising self-care

Taking care of my own mental health helps me take care of my family. I’m no good to anybody if I’m broken.

Sometimes this means taking a day off to watch Netflix, other times it’s about going out for a long walk in nature. I take the time to check in with myself and consider what I need so I can make myself a priority.

As a parent, it’s important to model this behaviour as I want my kids to prioritise their own mental wellbeing. 

Supporting my kids unconditionally

I’ve always supported my kids, but losing my dad has deepened my understanding of just how important that support is. My parents backed our decision to relocate to Australia from the UK, even though it meant leaving them behind.

My dad believed in us and the life we were building for our kids. Having that unwavering support meant everything to me. I will strive to offer the same level of support to my own kids, no matter where life takes them.

Originally published as Losing my dad has changed the mum that I am