'It’s been five days since I’ve seen or heard from my kids'

"I never want them to feel like they have to call just to please me.”

There’s a sting to co-parenting that often gets overlooked and it hits hardest during the school holidays.

While most families are juggling the extra load of the break, co-parents like Lucy are navigating an added layer: time apart from their kids.

“It’s either me or their dad that has them as we have no family here to help out,” the Perth mum told Kidspot.

“We have to help each other out a bit more in the holidays or we have to pay for a childcare centre which for both kids is usually more than a day's wage.” 

Lucy has revealed the reality of school holidays as a coparent. Image: abundantlylucy/TikTok

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"I could interrupt what she is doing"

Lucy shares custody of her two children 50:50 with her ex and says the holidays bring both logistical headaches and emotional gut-punches.

The main one? A request from her eight-year-old daughter that she feels compelled to honour. No matter how much it hurts.

“At the start of our 50:50 coparenting I asked my daughter if it was ok to call her when she’s at dad’s to chat,” Lucy said. 

“She said she didn’t want me to call her and if she wanted to chat with me she would call.”

With school holidays currently in full swing, Lucy can sometimes go days without hearing from her children.

In a recent TikTok, she revealed the quiet ache of co-parenting after not hearing from her daughters for five days.

She says her kids “completely live in the moment.” 

Lucy struggles with the silence, but knows it’s not hard for her kids. If they missed her, they’d reach out.

“I feel like if I called her when I wanted to I may only get 1-2 minutes as I could interrupt what she is doing,” Lucy explains.  

“I believe it’s not down to our kids to be responsible for my emotions, like missing them, and I never want them to feel like they have to call just to please me.” 

To support that, she’s made it easy for her daughter to reach out on her own terms. 

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"It can really damage women’s mental health" 

“She calls me when she wants to from her iPad, and she does the same to dad. Sometimes I hear nothing. Sometimes I get a little voice note, and sometimes I get a call everyday. It just depends on what's going on in her little world,” Lucy explained.

But there’s one thing Lucy can always count on. She’ll hear about the exciting stuff.

“She has lost three teeth in the past few months all at dads and the first thing she did was call to tell me,” Lucy said.

As open and thoughtful as Lucy is about co-parenting, she says there's still one attitude that needs to shift.

“Coparenting is becoming such a norm, but it’s also such a huge ‘taboo’ for women to have their kids an equal amount of time as the dad,” she said. 

“I get negative comments for having them 50% and their dad is praised like a hero for having them 50% of the time. I want to change that narrative because it can really damage women’s mental health being shamed for something out of their control.”

At the end of the day, Lucy says every choice she makes as a co-parent is guided by one thing. Her daughters. 

“If you put the kids' needs ahead of your egos every time you come together then you will always do what’s best for them,” she said. 

Originally published as 'It’s been five days since I’ve seen or heard from my kids'