‘I’m ditching my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday party to see my wedding venue’

“I came away feeling really guilty for putting my foot down … but it needs to be done.”

A bride-to-be has been blasted online for prioritising seeing her wedding venue over her mother-in-law’s monumental birthday.

Kate* and her fiance, Harry*, have been trying to organise a time to see their wedding venue; it’s been weeks, and they just can’t find a free date on their calendar. 

They were finally able to secure a spot in a few weeks’ time; it turns out it’s on the exact same day as a relative’s milestone event — her mother-in-law’s 80th birthday. 

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Kate thinks her wedding venue trumps her MIL's 80th birthday. Picture: iStock

“We have limited time to view our venue, and it needs to be done”

Kate clarified on Mumsnet that she “wasn’t even aware” it was going to be her MIL’s birthday, despite Harry seeing his mum “every weekday”. 

In any case, she was unable to change the booking to view the wedding venue as it was the only opening in their packed calendar. Their wedding venue is a “six-hour drive away”, so it’s quite the commitment to get there. 

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“We have lots of his family events coming up, and this was the weekend that we could do,”  she said. 

While spending time with her sister-in-law, Lucy*, the topic of wedding venues came up. 

“I told my SIL about the dates,” Kate explained. “She gave her opinion, saying my fiance and he should be spending it with their mum.” 

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She asked her SIL if there was anything planned for her MIL as she “wasn’t aware” but warned that she and Harry would probably only be there for a little while if they could show up at all. 

“We have limited time to view our venue, and it needs to be done,” she stressed. 

There wasn’t a plan, Lucy replied, but was still disappointed, arguing that her brother “should know that he needs to spend [the day] with his mum”. 

But later that night, Harry told Kate he was “fully aware it was his mum’s 80th birthday”, but there wasn’t anything planned as celebrations, and it didn’t really matter anyway since he “sees his mum five times a week”. 

According to her fiance, his sister “hasn’t got a say in what he does”, so Kate was perfectly reasonable in “putting [her] foot down”. Despite the decisions, Kate couldn’t help but feel “really guilty”. 

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So, it was confirmed: Harry and Kate would not celebrate his mum’s 80th birthday. Instead, they would visit their potential wedding venue, which, remember, is six hours away from their home. 

Kate believed that if Lucy “had an issue” with it, she could talk to her brother and “not project that onto me”. 

It turns out Lucy had a huge issue with her brother skipping the milestone birthday because two days later, Harry received a text confirming that she had “made a plan for the mum’s birthday”. 

In response, Harry told his sister that “he will be on his way home from the venue and doesn't know if he can make it, and that was that”. 

To no one’s surprise, Kate was livid, arguing her SIL was purposefully stirring the pot by organising the 80th birthday party “behind [Kate’s] back”. 

“I find this really sneaky,” she said. “It’s like she didn't listen to a word I said or didn't take it seriously.” 

While she insists she doesn’t want to create “more drama” or have a “clearly pointless conversation that isn’t listened to”, she can’t help but see red. 

“I was angry at my fiance but regret that because he at least didn't change our plans,” she admitted. “But now I’m concerned he will be rushing back, and she was trying to make him feel guilty as she did me.” 

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“Already sounding a bit Bridezilla”

Even though Kate and her fiance were convinced they were on the right side of the argument, the rest of Mumsnet weren’t as understanding.

“I’m usually one for ‘you do you’ and not bend to other people’s demands,” read a comment. “But it is his mother’s significant milestone 80th birthday - he and his sister should have sorted something before now.”

“You sound a bit selfish,” said another. “An 80th birthday trumps a venue viewing - I find it hard to believe that is the only day you can visit the venue.”

“I think her birthday is more important,” a third person agreed. “Birthday far, far more important,” someone replied. “A really hurtful thing to deliberately and avoidably miss. Selfish.”

Others couldn’t believe Kate’s wedding venue was so far away. “Why are you getting married so far away?” someone asked. 

“A six-hour drive away? Crikey,” read a shocked response. “Well, maybe MIL might be too busy to come to your wedding, but I’m sure that’ll be cool.” 

Across the board, however, everyone agreed that the entire family should brush up on their organising skills because, clearly, they were having a really rough go at it.

“None of you sound like you can plan anything,” read a comment. 

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘I’m ditching my mother-in-law’s 80th birthday party to see my wedding venue’