I was sexually abused at seven and had no idea that's what it was

"I am only just realising it's not that simple. And we need to talk about it more."

When I was just seven years old I was walking home from school, down a reasonably busy main street. I only lived around the corner so it wasn't a far walk by myself. 

And this was the 90s, things were much more ‘relaxed’ back then. (I'd never let me young child walk to school by themselves now.) 

I remember seeing an unusually large trailer truck parked on the side of the road. It was a deep blue colour. It stood out to me because I didn't usually see such a large truck down the main street of our little town. Especially just pulled over on the side of the road. 

As I got closer I noticed the passenger door was open and there was a man standing there. 

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So for a few seconds, there was no one else around who could see me, this man, or anything around us as I walked right past.

I think about it now, and know that the truck was parked in the perfect position. It was planned by this predator. Parked down the road from a school right at 3pm. As the school kids walked past, only they could see the man behind the big blue truck. 

As I walked past he pulled his pants down in front of me. 

24 years later and I still remember that whole body feeling of absolute embarrassment and guilt. Like I had done something wrong. 

Luckily he didn't talk to me or pursue any further, but such a ‘simple’ thing has left a mark on me. I remember not wanting to tell anyone. 

I did end up telling my younger sister later that night who then blurted out, much to my embarrassment, at dinner time “she saw a man's bum today”. Next thing I knew my parents called the police and I can't really remember what happened from then.

No one was caught, but there were more police cars monitoring the street for a while. 

Image: Supplied

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A few years later, I was groped by a man in a public swimming pool. Whilst playing in the lazy river. With so many people around. 

That same feeling of overwhelming guilt and embarrassment. I did not tell anyone. Not even my parents or siblings or friends. I felt as I had done something wrong. I was only 10.

For many years I have had the belief that sexual assault and violation means being physically touched in a genitalia area without consent. If someone is quite obviously sexually violated, especially as a child, I used to think this was black and white. 

It is far from the case.

I am only just realising that it is not that simple. And this is something that needs to be spoken about more. 

So what is child sexual abuse and how often is it happening?

Childsafety.gov.au explains that child sexual abuse is “any act that exposes a child or young person to, or involves a child or young person in, sexual activities”. So it comes down to exposure as well as involvement. 

In Australia, statistics show that a huge 1 in 4 people experienced some form of sexual violation as a child. 

That is an outrageous number of children who have been exposed to inappropriate behaviour. It needs to stop. 

This is why I  want to spread awareness. 

Every single act of sexual abuse / violation / assault/ is not okay. No matter how ‘small’. If we accept something ‘small’ as okay - this is where the lines get blurred and how the matter only gets worse. Especially as we now raise our children in such a prominently digital world. 

We need to be more realistic. 

How can we expect our kids to know what is okay and safe when they are out in the real world? By educating them and talking about safety. With my children we use all the anatomically correct body names and teach them that it is never okay to look, touch or be shown certain body parts.

Most importantly if this does happen - it can never be their fault and they can always tell someone they trust. 

I will be protecting my kids at all costs. 

I will be educating them at all costs. 

I will be advocating for them at all costs. 

Originally published as I was sexually abused at seven and had no idea that's what it was