‘I was always pitied for being an only child, but I wouldn’t change a thing’

OPINION: "Growing up as an only child was a magical experience, and it’s time for the stigma surrounding 'triangle families' to end."

From experience, I know there's been a stigma surrounding single-child families. 

Parents who choose to have only one child, commonly known as a “triangle family”, are often subjected to a wave of criticism when they reveal they’re only having one child. 

They’re labelled as “selfish” for failing to provide siblings for their child; others claim raising an only child can create spoiled brats.

Those without siblings can also experience devastating loneliness without any siblings by their side. 

I would know; I’m an only child. Trust me, I’ve heard it all. 

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

Growing up as only child was the best. Picture: Suplied

Why is everyone hating on ‘triangle families’? 

Growing up as an only child, I was always lambasted with the same questions: 

“Don’t you wish you had a brother or a sister?” they would ask. “Aren’t you lonely all by yourself?” 

RELATED: I always hear: 'It must be nice to only have one kid'... people just don't get it

“Nope”, I would always answer. Raised eyebrows would quickly follow, but I’d just shrug. 

It was true - I love being an only child. 

But the questions still came, be it from my cousins, friends, relatives I’d barely spoken to before, and everyone in between. 

And when I wasn’t being bombarded with questions about being an only child, I would be pitied. “Wow, you must have been so lonely,” they’d say, giving me a sad and sympathetic face. 

There were even times when my mum would wonder if she “made a mistake” by only having one child, asking if she had robbed me of a sibling who doubled as a best friend, a secret confidante.

I’d just shake my head. I didn’t need siblings to have best friends, I had my parents. 

Hey, I see you roll your eyes, but hear me out. 

Introducing our new podcast: Mum Club! Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Being an only child is bloody awesome. Maybe I was just lucky, but my childhood as an only child was a magical experience, and I’m sick of hearing the negative stereotypes surrounding it. 

Both of my parents worked full-time, but that didn’t mean I sat alone in my room, waiting for them to come home every day. Instead, I’d be taking part in extracurricular activities like ballet and choir; my parents made sure I never had time to be bored or feel alone. 

“Only boring people get bored”, as my mum would say. 

Being an only child was also great for my mental health; without siblings to share my secrets with, I could be open and honest with my folks, who encouraged me to spill it all. 

It taught me to be independent, too. I could sit alone in my room for hours without needing anyone to talk to; I could easily eat alone at a restaurant without worrying that anyone was judging me. 

Plus, I had non-stop attention from my parents - I'm calling that a win. 

Despite there being millions of parents with only one child, the stigma persists. Negative stereotypes have long existed as a side-effect of having only one child; unfortunately, it’s part of the job description. 

Speaking to ABC, Professor Toni Fablo from the University of Texas argued labelling only children as lonely was ironic, as they “are accustomed to being alone” and likely aren’t as lonely as others. 

Ironically, those with siblings may actually feel more lonely than singletons. 

“People with siblings grow accustomed to the presence of siblings in the household and may actually feel lonelier when that sibling is not available,” she said.  

She explained that her research found that children of triangle families frequently rate higher on the “positivity of the parent-child relationship” scale than families with non-only children. They can also develop better traits like leadership, autonomy, and extroversion. 

RELATED: 'She will be our one child': Bindi Irwin's heartbreaking admission about having another baby

We're besties for life. Picture: Supplied

Reasons why only children are on the rise

My parents knew straight away they only wanted to have one child; they made the choice shortly after I was born. While they say they simply “stopped once they’d reached perfection”, there were certainly other reasons behind it. 

They’re not alone, either. 

In the last 40 years, there has been a steady increase in families choosing to have only one child, and there are plenty of reasons why, including fertility issues, career growth and concerns about the planet. 

One of the biggest reasons is the financial strain. With the cost of living and housing crises continuing to cripple Australian families, it’s easy to see why many couples choose to only have one child. 

Data from the ABS also suggests that in recent years, women are having fewer children and having them much later in life. 

A report from 1981 found that only 7.6 per cent of women aged between 40-44 had an only child; this figure reached 16.3 per cent in 2021, nearly doubling in the last four decades. 

With the expectations to keep producing children becoming a thing of the past, families are choosing to take back authority with how many kids they want. 

“In times gone by, society and your family would put a lot of pressure on you [to have more children],” said parenting author Dr Rosina McAlpine to the ABC.

“There has also been an uptick in mental health and physical health problems, which makes it more challenging to have more children.” 

And it looks like the trend isn’t slowing down any time soon.

So please, stop giving parents shit if they say they only want one child - those kids will turn out fine, just like I did.

Originally published as ‘I was always pitied for being an only child, but I wouldn’t change a thing’