I want my friend to spend $150 on my kid's Xmas gift

"She says I should spend $50 on each of her three kids, but she only needs to spend $50 on my one? No way."

When Sydney mum Sam decided she's had enough of wasting money at Christmas, she thought people would get it.

But it turned out that not everyone understood, and some thought setting a budget might help. It doesn't, according to Sam.

"So, I'm in this position where all my friends have at least two kids, and I'm like, this is a bit unfair, because if we set a 'per head' limit, I'm spending wayyy more than the others," she exclusively tells Kidspot.

"Money is so tight right now... Can we just not give gifts this year?"

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"I've resented it for years"

But it's not the first year that Sam has noticed this disparity.

"For years I have sort of resented this; for example, my best friend has three kids, but I only have one. So she'll suggest setting a limit. One year, it was $50.

"I thought ok, cool, $50. When I rocked up with a $50 gift for the kids, she was outraged. She had meant $50 per child. So she had expected me to spend $150, while she only spent $50."

Sam says that if you think that's not in the spirit of Christmas, then you've never been in her position.

"Yes, it feels unfair financially, but also, it's a sign of respect. Knowing I'm spending $150, couldn't she then spend $150 on my one?"

Source: iStock

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"But my kids are expecting your gifts"

This year, Sam wanted to avoid this awkwardness/financial burden.

Thinking that surely her friend would understand, Sam felt confident that the pressure on her would subside soon. But the reaction she got instead was shocking.

"Let's not do presents this year," she tried to tell her friend, nervously.

"Don't be silly," her friend snapped back. "They're expecting gifts from you. They would wonder why you're not giving them gifts."

Sam felt silenced, but she suddenly understood her friend's perspective. 

"She was only looking at it as a loss for her already-lucky kids. She truly thought they'd actually care, when, just like with so many kids who are spoilt on Christmas Day, the gift would be opened and discarded. I'd been through it with them before.

"I was also thinking, money spent on them is less funds for my family."

Despite all her racing thoughts, Sam wasn't sure what to say next. 

"A gift shouldn't be an expectation," she explains to Kidspot.

"I was trying to say I'm exhausted, my budget is overwhelmed, and I'd really rather be allowed to relax and concentrate my money and time on my own child."

Unfortunately, that frustration came out in the moment with her friend.

"Suddenly I reached my limit and said, 'Look, I don't have money to spend on making your entitled kids happy'."

She added,"They don't care the gift is from me. You want me to pay for making your kids feel special with lots of toys from lots of people. I just am not willing to continue to fund that. "

Sam doubts they will remain friends for much longer.

"When budgets tighten, that often means you prioritise your own family. That's all I want to do. Get out of things that feel like obligations to others.

"I should be allowed to do that without being made to feel guilty."

Originally published as I want my friend to spend $150 on my kid's Xmas gift