I told my husband that he's like having a second child

"But I don't love him like I would a second child. He's just another drain on my bank account." 

Many couples will attest that nothing rocks a relationship like having kids. According to one mum's confession this week, it's more dire: she barely recognises the man she fell in love with eight years ago. 

The 34-year-old details in a lengthy advice-needed forum post, that after an accident she suffered and a huge payout, her husband hasn't worked for five years.

The couple had a daughter together three years ago, and because of her injuries, she enjoyed having him at home.

But not anymore...

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"He would leave his brain in the garage"

While he does contribute by handling "most of the domestics," something is still missing. 

"Ever since our daughter was born, it was like a light switch turned off in his head," she writes. 

"He would buy the wrong size nappies, not thoroughly mix bottles, put diapers on backwards, leave out poop-covered wipes, and forget to latch cabinets.

"This past week, he has gone to the store three times because he keeps coming home with the wrong size socks and shoes for her. I eventually just ordered the right ones on Amazon."

The mum continues that she can't "trust" him with any rudimentary task and admits they have lost "many spoons and forks to the garbage disposal."

She laments: "He wanted to do TikToks and streaming as a hobby. I supported him initially. But I quickly noticed a pattern. Anything regarding our daughter or me, he was sloppy and careless. He never mucks up his stuff. He would build entire sets to stream, then leave the garage and leave his brain in it."

Things reached boiling point one day when after spending hours building another video set in the garage, the mum noticed that the front door was left wide open, and the stovetop on with a small empty pot.

She confronted him, and he shrugged it off as "he forgot." 

A wife wonders what is happening with her husband. Source: supplied

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"I have a liability not a partner"

"The anger hit, and I said, 'It's because I have a liability and not a partner'. He said, 'What does that mean?'

"I screamed because I can't trust him to do anything. I'm always having to watch him like a child. Every time I think I can trust him to be an adult, I'm always the one getting f'd over. I said, "I can't see you as a partner anymore. You're just another liability in my chequebook'.

"It's been days, and he refuses to be in the same room as me. I've tried messaging him to ask if we can talk. If I pop into the garage, he ignores me but apologises to his friends or viewers for the interruption."

Before this blow-up, she had gently asked him to see a doctor to explore the "repeated mistakes", but he didn't see there was an issue. 

She ends her post by saying, "I love him dearly; I just miss the person he was before we had a child. The one I could trust and rely on. Was I being too harsh on his mistakes? Am I missing something?"

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"You don't have one toddler, you have two"

The internet was raging with her.

"I’m sorry this is happening, and I honestly think something is wrong with your husband. If he’s unwilling to seek medical advice and deflect, you may need to consider having him leave your home. He’s a walking disaster—literally," the top commenter wrote.  

"Yes. You don't have one toddler. You have two," another agreed. 

A third thought the mum was spot on with her description: "He IS a walking liability. Deep inside, you know you’re carrying him and that he doesn’t contribute. As your condition deteriorates, this isn’t sustainable. You must find the courage to take action before it’s too late."

The poster than shared an insight into her husband before they had a child. 

"On any bad pain days, he would bring me meals on a wooden tray he made. It converts from a carry tray to a bed tray. He would help me put on my socks and shoes when I just can't quite do it myself.

"That's the person I fell in love with and so deeply miss. Some days, he's that person, but more frequently now, he's not."

Originally published as I told my husband that he's like having a second child