I told my dad he can't see my newborn baby at Christmas

"I know the holidays are meant to be spent with family, but he's not part of it anymore."

Christmas, while a time of celebration and festivities, often comes with its fair share of family drama.

And in a recent forum post, a young dad, who is expecting his second child this week, opened up about exactly that.

His dilemma? Handling a well-intentioned, but perhaps overly-keen, set of grandparents eager to visit during Christmas week.

For the dad, the crux of the matter lies in the need for space during such an overwhelming time - something his father doesn't seem to understand.

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Image: IStock

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"Our doors will be locked during that week"

The OP explained that he and his wife are expecting their baby any day now, meaning that Christmas will be an exciting, yet stressful time. 

"Since we’ve been getting closer to her due date, my parents have been talking about when they will come to meet their new grandchild. They live five hours away," he explained.

"When our first was born, it was the end of September and my parents visited the week he was born. They visited again during the week of Christmas. I had told my mum that we would prefer if they visited before Christmas week but my parents either ignored me or forgot about that conversation. It was fine, but we were exhausted with a three-month-old and my wife had to spend the end of her maternity leave with her in-laws.

"This time, I made it clear to my mum that we wanted to have the holidays without any visitors so we could focus on our newly grown family, especially because the newborn period is a very vulnerable time for the mother and I don’t want a repeat of last time. She said she understood."

Despite this, the OP's dad slipped into a conversation at a later date that they would be visiting for Christmas.

The OP then reiterated that it was off the cards, saying, "I already said no. Our doors will be locked during that week."

OP continued, "He’s been annoyed lately whenever we talk and saying things like, 'The holidays are supposed to be spent with family' and 'You wouldn’t keep your in-laws from visiting.' My mum is asking me if we’ll reconsider because my dad feels really hurt and she said I’m a jerk for not even taking it to my wife.

"So, AITA for telling my dad they can’t come for Christmas?"

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"You're the opposite of a jerk"

Commenters were torn, but ultimately the dad was voted 'not the a**hole.'

"You've told them all along visiting over the holidays isn't an option, now he's annoyed the holidays aren't an option. I'd just tell them, 'You know what, we'll see you in the new year. I'm tired of fighting over this. I just want my wife to have a peaceful postpartum period and having house guests isn't peaceful,'" someone advised.

Another wrote, "NTA. And you're the opposite of a jerk for not even taking it to your wife. Because then they'd just blame her. Stay strong and remain clear this is a joint decision, not hers. Love that you're prioritising your immediate family." 

Then a third admitted, "I was shocked to see a husband actually realising and acknowledging that his wife and new mother had to spend an exhausting moment in her life with her in-laws. Kudos to you for standing up to your parents and putting your family first. This is the most positive post I've read on here all week."

But one confused user said, "The baby is being born in late November. OP says they can come and visit anytime between the birth and Christmas but they can't come on Christmas week because she needs to recover. What? That literally makes no sense because she'll be even worse the earlier they come. I'm voting YTA for OP's terrible logic."

Then this commenter said the OP needed to put himself in his parents' shoe: "Yes, YTA, big time. Your parents did how much for you and you can't even see them on Christmas? Good luck when you need help with the baby."

Originally published as I told my dad he can't see my newborn baby at Christmas