I told a mum she was pronouncing her daughter's name wrong

"She was a complete stranger, but I managed to ruin her kid's life."

A woman has questioned if she's in the wrong for telling a stranger she'd been incorrectly pronouncing her own daughter's name. 

The anonymous woman was so conflicted about the situation, she went so far as to say she thinks she might have "ruined the child's life."

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"I managed to ruin this kid's life"

"Today, I started talking to a mum who was with her child," she began the post in an online parenting forum.

"The mum mentioned that her daughter's name was 'Grain' so I assumed for a while that she was another mother who wanted something 'special' to call her kid."

The OP said that she told the mum it was a "unique name" and that she'd never met anyone called 'Grain' before.

"She told me that she's named after her great-grandmother and that it's an Irish name. At this point, the alarm bells are ringing in my head because I've realised that the kid is called Gráinne (generally pronounced as Gro-nyuh, or there abouts).

"I tried to be very tactful, and I was like, 'Irish has such an interesting alphabet. How is her name spelled? Irish names can be tricky.' So, yes, it turns of that the kid is called Gráinne. Not Grain."

"My partner, who has studied Ireland's political history as part of their dissertation and also the Irish diaspora and its culture around their university city, is stuck somewhere between stifling a laugh and dying of embarrassment on her behalf, so I come up with what I thought was a very positive reply.

"I said 'an old-school name and a more modern pronunciation. I think that's a great way to pick names.'

"I was trying to be tactful and positive. She asked what I meant, and I said, 'Well in Ireland, they typically pronounce it like 'gro-nyuh'."

Image: iStock

The mum was immediately embarrassed and responded that "I shouldn't have said that the pronunciation was wrong in front of the kid because now she's going to grow up knowing that her name is wrong and feel bad about it."

The woman apologised for causing offence and restated that it's a lovely name in both ways and a "fantastic nod to her heritage." She also said that she's sure her great-grandmother would be "thrilled to be honoured by her name being used."

"I was throwing out just about every positive reinforcement that I could think of, but, to be frank, she was pissed off," the woman explained.

"She told me that I 'ruined her daughter's self-esteem' and that her 'life [was] ruined' by me saying that 'her existence is wrong.' I didn't say that, by the way. I said that her name was pronounced atypically. Gráinne, for context, was around two years old and completely unbothered by the conversation until her mother got angry at me.

"The conversation was maybe five minutes long, but I managed to ruin this kid's life. Hindsight says I should have kept my mouth shut and waited for somebody else to say something. So, AITA?"

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"The kid won’t even remember"

People in the comments rushed to the woman's defense, saying she did nothing wrong.

"Not the a**hole," deemed one user. "You didn’t embarrass the child you embarrassed the parent, who frankly should be embarrassed she named her kid a name she didn’t know how to pronounce. In reality, you did the kid a favour by pointing this out early on so the mum can deal with it.

"She would have found out eventually and it could have been when she was old enough to be legitimately embarrassed."

This person agreed, putting it more succinctly: "Don’t give your child a name that you don’t know how to pronounce."

And a third echoed: "It sounds like you were trying to engage in a friendly conversation and share some cultural insights, not to criticise or undermine the child’s name.  You approached the topic delicately and your intention was to be tactful and supportive."

Originally published as I told a mum she was pronouncing her daughter's name wrong