'I told a mum she couldn't stay after dropping her kid off at my daughter's party'

“I don’t appreciate being treated as some sort of potential criminal in need of supervision in my own home,” Diedre said.  

When you take your kids to a birthday party, do you drop them off or stick around and watch them play?

Diedre*, a single mum of two from New Zealand, has been organising her daughter’s sixth birthday party for weeks. 

She’s got it all mapped out; there’ll be games, plenty of food, and, of course, a fairy. While she still had some things to organise, she knew her daughter, Sophie*, would have a great time.

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There will be 15 girls at the party and one adult. Picture: iStock

“Is it OK for me to stay?”

There are roughly 15 girls attending Sophie’s party, “almost all from her class at school.” 

There was one girl who was omitted from the list, Jessica*, and even though Diedre hasn’t met her mum yet, she has “said hi to the dad when we’ve been picking up at the same time.” 

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“[Sophie] was ambivalent but invited her,” Diedre shared on Mumsnet, 

The single mum plans to host the party at her house, which she ultimately decided because she “left it too late to book anywhere!” 

“It’s also winter here … and p**sing with rain, which is not ideal as our house is great in summer (big deck and back garden), but obviously feels a lot smaller when the weather is bad,” she said. 

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Diedre also explained she would be hosting the party alone and would be the “only adult at the party”. While her ex-husband “had the option to come … he has elected not to.” 

Instead, he will take the kids out the day before the party, so Diedre can set everything up and will take the eldest child “out somewhere” on the day of the birthday celebrations. Asking for help from the rest of her family is a bit of a struggle, too, as her father has a terminal illness and her mum is "about as useful as a chocolate teapot.” 

While she has been organising everything herself and plans to host the entire day alone with 15 (!!!!) kids, she doesn’t expect any other parents to stick around. 

“It’s a drop-and-run party,” she said. “Which is what every party [Sophie] has been to for the last at least a year has been to.”

However, this changed after receiving a message from Jessica’s mother, Wendy*. 

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“Hi [Diedre], it’s Wendy here, Jessica’s mum,” the text began. “Thanks for the invite to [Sophie’s] party, Jessica would love to come. Can I have a bit more detail about what the plan is? Thanks :)”

At first, Diedre thought the message was “a bit odd” but put it down to “clashing” plans, meaning “she might need to arrive late or pick up early.”

In response, Diedre explained the run-down of the day; “The general idea is that there will be a fairy or similar arriving at 12, games and food, and cake at 1.30 pm-ish. Hope that helps,” she said. 

It didn’t take long for Wendy to respond, saying everything sounded great, but if it was “OK for me to stay with her [daughter].”

No, Diedre wasn’t happy with that at all. 

“I’ll have my hands full managing the party; I don’t have the time (or inclination) to host her too, and frankly from those two texts, she sounds punishing,” she said, 

At first, she wanted to respond with a standard “Oh, of course, that’s fine”, but she quickly had second thoughts. “I thought, ‘F**k it, I don’t know this person, her child isn’t even a good friend of [Sophie’s] and I don’t care if she doesn’t come,’” she said. “Also I don’t appreciate being interrogated about my plans for a 6 y.o birthday party and treated as some sort of potential criminal in need of supervision in my own home.” 

But she didn’t say that to Wendy. She said this instead: “Hi, space will be at a bit of a premium (especially if it’s raining) so was planning on a drop-off situation. Hope that works but understand if it means Jessica can’t make it.” 

That was where the correspondence stopped; three hours after sending the message, Diedre received no reply from Wendy. 

RELATED: 'He doesn't deserve it': I'm cancelling my 8-year-old's birthday party

“Fifteen kids and you’re turning down an extra pair of hands?”

Perhaps to Diedre’s surprise, she was not met with a wave of support by the other parents. In fact, they accused her of being inconsiderate to other parents’ safety concerns. 

“I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my six-year-old at a party at someone’s house where there was going to be one adult and 15 children, where the parent was adamant no other adult could stay,” someone said. 

“Do the other parents know you will be the only adult there with 15 6yo?” asked another. “You might find that more parents decide to stay at drop off if they clock on because that situation doesn’t exactly sound safe.”

“You are the rude one here, not the girl’s mother,” someone bluntly said. 

Others pointed out how chaotic the party sounded. 

“If you’re having 15 kids, then you could really make use of an extra adult being there,” read a comment  “Fifteen [kids] and you’re turning down an extra pair of hands?” another asked. 

Some were a little kinder. 

“I see your side, in that you don't want to open the floodgates of loads of parents you don't know taking up limited space and needing [to be hosted],” someone said. 

“However, 15 x six-year-olds solo is a terrible idea.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as 'I told a mum she couldn't stay after dropping her kid off at my daughter's party'