‘I had postpartum depression and people told me I had nothing to be sad about’

“I thought they were right… I had my baby, it was exactly what I wanted, so why couldn’t I feel happy?” the devastated mum revealed.

Pilar Grace

3 min read

July 1, 2024 - 6:32PM

Parenting

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When I had postpartum depression after my first and third babies, I didn’t even realise I was depressed.

I knew that I should be feeling happy.

Everyone around me seemed to be happy – my husband, my mum, my friends – everyone doted on the new babies.

But I felt like I’d shape-shifted into this horrible monster who couldn’t look at my sweet babies and feel happy. I was totally disconnected from everyone’s happiness and from my own children.

If I had realised what was happening, I’m not sure I would have even asked for help, I was so busy trying to look like everything was fine.

Daisy Woods knows this battle all too well, and recently made an Instagram of all the awful, unhelpful things people said to her when she had postpartum depression.

“Sometimes it’s really difficult to know what to say to someone who’s struggling with their mental health,” she captioned an Instagram reel.

“Having been through [postpartum] depression first hand, please DON’T say these things.”

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What not to say to a mum with postpartum depression

What not to say to a mum experiencing postpartum depression

When someone is sad, our impulse is to try to fix it.

Generally speaking, people are uncomfortable with negative emotions and things they can’t fix, and the impulse is often to share useless platitudes that don’t make anyone feel better.

Daisy shared some of the things she heard from well-meaning friends and family when she was depressed.

Playing two characters in the reel – a well-meaning family member and a depressed mum – Daisy recited phrases full of toxic positivity.

“What have you got to be said about? Cheer up, this is the best bit. It’s all downhill from here,” the family member said as the mum sadly rocked her baby.

“Oh everyone gets the baby blues, you’ll get over it soon,” she said next.

“Well the good news is, you don’t look depressed,” she continued. She could have been talking to me as a new mum, my hair clean, dressed for the day, maybe I’d even tidied our apartment. But inside I was falling apart.

“It could be worse, he could be waking up every five minutes,” she said finally before falling silent when the mum informed her the baby was waking up every five minutes.

Daisy shared the unhelpful things she heard from loved ones when she suffered from postpartum depression. Photo: Instagram

Social media responds to postpartum depression video

The reel resonated with Daisy’s followers, who joined the comments sharing stories of postpartum depression.

“In the throes of PND with my first I said to my mum that I didn’t want my baby anymore,” one woman said. “Rather than recognise this as a major red flag that I’d fallen into depression she said, ‘How can you say that? He’s lovely,’ which made me feel even worse.”

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“I had these comments, plus my favourite, ‘You are starting to get your figure back!’ Meanwhile I was in the trenches of sleep deprivation,” said another.

“Every time someone said, ‘Just enjoy it, soak it all in!’ I wanted to scream,” a third mum said. “I remember someone saying to me, ‘Yes it is a bit shit. I’ll make you a cuppa,” really helped. I felt gaslit by society that I should be enjoying it where I was so sad and overwhelmed and guilty.”

Some people thought Daisy should be more compassionate to the people trying to help.

“People saying those things don’t always mean their comments to hurt, they literally want to you to feel better but don’t know what to say,” one woman said.