I had mouth cancer, but the hardest part was explaining it to my babies

"How do you tell people so little, whom you've never been away from, that you'll be in hospital for a month to save your face? And you're terrified of what you will look like to them... and all you can do is cry?"

Dr Michela Sorensen

3 min read

August 28, 2023 - 3:10PM

Image: Supplied

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“Yes, cancer.”

Two words I never expected to hear. Certainly not at 35, with two children under the age of two.

Yet earlier this year, that is what I was faced with when a routine dentist appointment uncovered more than just a little plaque build-up.

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"Telling my two-year-old made me feel sick"

As a GP, I spend my working days explaining illness to people. I talk about what the diagnosis means and how it might impact them and their family on physical and psychological levels.

Yet when I found myself in that very situation, having a life-changing diagnosis that I needed to explain to my family, I had no idea where to start.

The thought of telling my two-year-old made me feel physically sick. How do you tell someone so little, someone you have never spent a night away from, that you’re sick and have to stay in hospital for a month?

And how do you keep making them feel calm and confident when all you can do is cry?

Image: Supplied

"I needed surgery to my face, there was no way to hide it"

I had no idea what I was going to end up looking like.

My cancer was in my minor salivary glands (the roof of my mouth) and it had pushed into my sinus and my upper jaw. So I needed major surgery to my mouth and jaw. At the risk of sounding superficial, this petrified me.

It was my face, there would be no way to hide it.

So I didn’t even know if I wanted my children to see me in the hospital. I knew it would be confronting – with all the swelling, scars, tubes, drains and machines connected to me. Would it scare them? Would it change how they saw me?

But a statement one of the surgeons made really stuck with me. I didn’t even have to tell him my fears, he could clearly see.

He grabbed my hand and said “Michela, your children MUST come in and see you. They won’t notice any of the scars or swelling. They will just see their mum. And that is all they will remember.”

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"An illness is never just an illness. It's a family life event"

So, once I finally worked up the courage, I sat down with my husband and we told the children about mummy being a bit sick. I spoke about my sore face and that I needed to stay at the hospital for a while so the doctors could make it better (all the while praying this was the truth).

And do you know what, they did not miss a beat.

What followed was a month of exciting adventures to the hospital to see mummy. Mummy in a special room with fun buttons to play with and a bed that moved. Mummy with medicine going in her nose (feeding tube) and with special Band-Aids on her face.

And while Mummy was staying with the Doctors, Poppy came to stay. This meant lots of chocolate freckles and dancing to The Wiggles – their idea of heaven.

I say this somewhat frivolously. I know it did impact them, evidenced by a recent meltdown my daughter had when I had a cold. I mentioned feeling a bit sick and needing a rest and she burst into tears worried I was going back to stay with the doctors.

"They coped better than I did"

But all in all, they coped marvelously. Much better than I did being away from them.

So, what did I learn from this?

As a doctor, an illness is never just an illness. It is a family life event. And it needs to be managed as such.

As a mum, the strength of toddlers is awe-inspiring. They adapt. The cope. They don’t worry about the small stuff (unless you cut their toast the wrong way!).

But most of all, they love. Endlessly and unconditionally.