I grew up poor, my husband grew up privileged; it creates problems with our kids

"Our different backgrounds mean that we clash in our marriage regularly - and not just about money." Do you have this issue in your family?

Last year, my husband said he wanted to buy our son a motorbike for his 8th birthday. 

Not a second hand one. A brand-new state-of-the-art motorbike straight off the shop floor, valued at a cool $4000 with all the gear.

After several weeks of weighing up whether or not to buy such an expensive gift, my husband convinced me that we should. His parents had surprised him with a motorbike when he was young, and he wanted to recreate the memory for our son. He said our son would only be little once.

I’ll admit that the delight on his face when he saw the motorbike for the first time was priceless. But after a few rides, the novelty definitely wore off, and I wondered if the outlay had really been worth it.

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Melissa and her husband when they were kids, and their son now on his new motorbike. Image: Supplied

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My husband's privileged upbringing

For my husband, the answer would always be ‘yes’ because that’s the kind of upbringing he had.

He was the youngest of four and was pretty spoiled. His older brother always jokes that he was brought up on chops, while my husband grew up eating filet mignon.

When he was younger, my husband not only had the motorbike, he also had the latest go-kart. He played tennis (and no doubt had all the best gear) and golf.

"I was trained by the best golf instructor in Australia as a teenager," he mentioned casually recently. Wowsers, I thought. What a privilege.

My upbringing was a tad different.

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Compared to my childhood...

I was also the youngest of four and completely adored. However, my parents went through some pretty tough financial times during my childhood.

At one point, my dad lost his job. This was around the time that interest rates were 17.50% and mum and dad thought they were going to lose our home.

When they couldn’t afford to pay the phone bill, it got cut off, and mum had to walk to the local park to use the pay phone. Over the years, we often had international students living with us to bring in some additional cash.

I never felt like I missed out on anything because I never knew the difference, but there were certainly no motorbikes or extravagant toys. I had a teddy bear that I adored and a couple of dolls.

When I was about six, my dad built me a cubby house, and mum and I painted a plaque for the front door—we called it Rainbow Cottage. I felt like the luckiest kid in the world.

In a way, having a humble childhood was a positive, I believe, as I’ve never placed importance on material possessions. My wish list is all about experiences, whereas right now, my husband would love a motorbike (for himself), a caravan for our family and a five-bedroom house.

He has no problem spending hundreds of dollars on brand-name shoes for our children or buying them the latest Trek bike - when I think a good old Kmart one will do.

I just hope that as parents, we get the balance right between spoiling our children and making sure that they appreciate and acknowledge their privileges.

Originally published as I grew up poor, my husband grew up privileged; it creates problems with our kids