Dad's newborn sleeping arrangement labelled 'selfish' and 'odd'

"I wanted to fit something in to help me, but without feeling any of the guilt."

Laura Jackel

3 min read

July 23, 2024 - 3:41PM

Image: Instagram @thismorning

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Caring for little kids and newborn babies when no one is getting any sleep, puts a huge strain on even the happiest of relationships.

One couple has come up with a unique way to ensure that at least dad gets some downtime and a spot of sleep, although their arrangement has created quite a debate online.

Chloe Hamilton and her partner Stuart appeared on UK daytime TV show This Morning to share Stuart’s outdoor sleeping arrangements and why they decided he was better off in a tent in the garden.

“Having a toddler and a newborn, there was… zero free time in the day,” Stuart tells hosts Alison Hammond and Dermot O’Leary.

"And the only time that I actually had any free time was when everybody was asleep, and so I wanted to try to fit something in to sort of help me but without feeling any of the guilt of not helping Chloe or or doing anything with the boys. So overnight, it made sense.”

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"He was sleeping in the spare room anyway"

Wife Chloe explains that Stuart is just “crying distance” away from the house if he is needed, but that it was better for him to get some sleep away from their bed while she co-sleeps with their newborn son.

“He was sleeping in the spare room anyway, because I'm co-sleeping and breastfeeding. There's kind of nothing he can do in the night. So it makes sense rather than being in the spare room for him just to go and sleep in the garden as that is something he really enjoys anyway.”

Stuart confirms that while it’s the tent and not specifically sleeping in the garden that he enjoys, his temporary relocation outdoors is something of a “microadventure”.

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"I hope he looks after the toddler"

While this adventurous setup appears to be working well for the new parents, the comments were not as convinced that this was a good idea.

“The wife hasn't had any free time from when she conceived throughout pregnancy and now breastfeeding,” said one commenter on Instagram.

“I hope he looks after the toddler whilst she is feeding the baby, if it's not getting in the way of his free time.”

A second person responded: “So bloody selfish, my husband helped both times with my newborns… and just was there for me and our newborns. Both my children are grown up l have a grandchild and he’s still there helping all three.”

Another comment was more supportive: “As long as it works for them, good luck.”

With a third adding that that this type of set up (without the tent) worked for them.

"My husband was willing to still get up, but I didn't see the point in us both not sleeping," the mum wrote.

"Instead he slept through and got up with all the kids in the morning leaving me to catch up on sleep. That's what worked for us: Team work."

Most users thought that a man could actually be very helpful at night when his partner is nursing a newborn.

“When mine were newborns I was breastfeeding and co-sleeping and had a toddler,” writes one user.

“My husband would make me a drink and snack, do a nappy and settle the baby after the feed (I slept at this point) and he’d then come in and place the baby back in the co-sleeper when asleep. It used to give me an extra 30-45 minutes of sleep after each feed so there’s PLENTY a partner can do to help a breastfeeding mother.”

"He can change nappies!"

Another Instagrammer felt similarly, posting that this situation was hardly ideal for mum.

“It always amazes me when women and men think there's no point in the man being awake in the night as he isn't ‘doing anything’. There's plenty he can do, even with a co-sleeping, breastfeeding mother. He can change the nappies, he can do the burping, and above all he can give moral support.

“It's funny that it's never the man doing all the feeds and the mother having a break. Will never understand why some guys won't step up and be there for their partner at one of the most difficult and exhausting periods in her life.”