Dad admits: 'I want to skip to the good part of parenting'

"Everything is a chore, even in a two-parent household." 

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Advice Needed

I'm a dad of two wonderful kids. They are three and 10 months old, and I love them to absolute pieces.

I do not regret a single second of my decision to have kids, but I do not enjoy parenting them right now. All I feel like I'm doing is keeping these kids alive and making sure no one gets hurt, or my house doesn't burn down.

Everything is a chore, and there are precisely zero opportunities for rest, even in a two-parent household. 

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I was telling my wife last night that I want to skip ahead and go to a football game with my son or a bike ride with my daughter - or get to sleep through the night for once.

I used to get lots of exercise, record my own music, and read tons of books, but I have had zero time or energy for any of those things in months.

Am I wrong for wanting to "skip to the good part?"

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Jordana's Advice

Dear dad-of-two, 

I hear you. I'm a mum of three boys, almost two through eight years old. It's hard. For lack of a better phrase, we are in the eye of the storm. 

The struggle is real.

It's like swimming in the ocean; you get moments of stillness and want to appreciate the beauty, but without warning, a tidal wave hits. It's hard to "enjoy it" when all you feel like you're doing is surviving, not thriving. 

Father is struggling with parenting. Source: iStock

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Do you really want to miss out?

Being able to fast-forward this phase of parenting would be an easy way out. But you have to ask yourself, if you fast-forward, could you rewind? These years make up a lot of firsts in your child's life. 

First steps, first words, first foods - you get the drift. You will one day look back on this and miss these moments. The parts that fade are the tantrums, fussy eating, and sleepless nights. I've seen it with my parents. There's no way my brother and I were perfect all the time, and they still miss it.

Think of it as your car's side mirrors; objects may appear larger than they seem. That's like the baby and toddler years of parenting. It feels enormous now, but it's not as heavy once it's passed. 

Make time for you

But I will say, none of this will be possible without you having time to yourself or one-on-one with your wife. It's hard to carve out time but think of it as a necessity, like a dentist visit.

Most husbands have "free time" built in as the non-primary carer, but you sound very hands-on. So, at the start of the week, plan together with your wife. Work out when you can go to the gym or studio. And likewise, allow her to have the same. So you both fill up your cups. 

It's another cliche, but it's true. You can't pour from an empty cup. Filling your cup makes the struggle of any parenting stage possible.

Before you know it, they will want you to drop them off a block away so they can forge their independence and identity. 

While I envy my friends with older kids, they envy me. Because my kids, at their ages, really need hands-on parenting. Keep that in mind when you want to fast forward in time. 

I hope this helps. Know that you're not alone in your struggle. 

Originally published as Dad admits: 'I want to skip to the good part of parenting'