18 million people saw me violate my child's privacy online

"We're missing something crucial when we post about our kids - or, as with the Aussie mumfluencer last week - other people's kids."

We’ve all made mistakes online. But there’s one huge lesson we need to take from the QLD mumfluencer story that blew up last week, according to another Aussie mum who's speaking from experience.

Dr Kristyn Sommer has a PhD in child development and is a fierce advocate for keeping children’s faces off social media.

She also once filmed herself breastfeeding her toddler and put it online where it was viewed by 18 million strangers.

Like many of us, the mum-of-two has made errors navigating social media as a parent.

“I’ve done things I look back on that was a mistake, that would be exploitative to my child,” she tells Kidspot.

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Now, the parenting expert and Australian university Research Fellow no longer shares her kids on social media, and she wants us all to think twice before we do.

“When it comes to having kids online, I don’t think they should be shared – especially on TikTok,” she tells Kidspot.  “I know that will ruffle feathers.”

Dr Kristyn Sommer. Image: TikTok/Instagram

RELATED: Police investigate Aussie mumfluencer over child drugging claims

People shared the story like it was another ‘trend’

Dr Sommer shares informative content for her 450k TikTok followers about "evidence-based parenting”, and her work around  the ethics of child online privacy.

Her work in this field is why she was left devastated by the internet’s reaction to the Australian story that came to light last week, when the identity of a vulnerable child was shared with the world.

Queensland Police confirmed it was investigating a high-profile social media influencer - known for posting videos about her child's illness - for potential child harm.

Within hours, creators jumped on Instagram and TikTok and shared the baby’s face, full name and vulnerable medical videos, where it was consumed by millions of strangers worldwide.

Many of them, mums themselves, jumped on the ‘trend’ of sharing a child’s privacy, pushing their identity from a “microprism” on the internet to a global stage, Dr Sommer says.

“People were online talking about it like another trend… here’s a photo, attach her name... it’s advancing the violation of her privacy even further.

“It means she can’t walk in any corner of the world without being known as this child.”

Creators earn money from shock videos

Dr Sommer was most alarmed that creators used the child’s identity to make money.

“US and UK creators are getting paid for each view. They were putting a baby front and centre, with a scary headline, and earning money off it,” she says.

While Australian creators aren’t paid for views on TikTok, sharing viral stories can boost engagement making users more attractive to brands.

“It’s an indirect way of monetising off a child that isn’t theirs, it’s exploiting a child [who has already been used by their own parent as content]."

Seeing the rampant use of the child’s imagery, Dr Sommer contacted influencers to pull down content, and shared videos reminding people to stop posting her face.

She hopes all users learned a lesson in this horrible story, that they should never share the identity of a child online, especially one who doesn’t belong to them.

Kids can boost engagement, but at what cost?

Using children as content isn’t a new phenomenon – and it’s a movement that isn’t slowing down. The influencer marketing industry was worth $21.1 billion in 2023 and is projected to reach $24 billion by the end of 2024.

It’s big business, and mums are tapping into it, by using family life as daily content, and recommending sponsored products to loyal followings.

The number of Family Vloggers and TikTok Mums grows every year, as more parents – mostly mums – post to share struggles, find a sense of belonging and to earn money while staying at home with kids.

Dr Sommer says children in videos boosts engagement, and admits that when she started out on socials three years ago, showed her daughter’s face, even with a PhD in early cognitive development.

“(I posted) my daughter breastfeeding on a flight to Scotland, seen by 18 million people, on TikTok… That makes me uncomfortable now,” she says.

“I was so proud illustrating extending breastfeeding to so many people around the world. But I was putting the burden of ‘greater good’ on a child’s shoulders, without her understanding, without her knowledge.”

Dr Sommer now refuses to post her children’s faces.

“I’m a mum who is highly educated, my job is to research children and to think about the ethics of capturing children’s imagery all day every day and how we can protect that privacy,” she says. “And my kids are all over my social media feed.

“However, you will not see my children on my feed anymore. Because when we know better, we do better.”

@drkristynsommer

Where should you put a photo of a child? 1. If its not your kid pr you havent asked permission, dont put it anywhere. Put the phone down and touch some grass. 2. If it is your kid, here’s some general guidelines to consider 👆 Which ones should we do next?

♬ Funny and Unusual Scene - HarmonicoHCO

Here’s what NOT to do online

Dr Sommer’s advises parents to consult kids before sharing them on social media. As far as possible, consent is vital. And if they're too young to consent - there's your answer.

She says parents should never post a child’s full face, or naked body. Don’t post cars, car registrations or reveal childcare centre locations.

No one should post uniforms, or children in vulnerable situations with medical imagery.

“Turn off all the locations – no one needs to know where your child is,” she says.

“No hospital shots, or kids in distress covered in cords or unconscious.

“Don’t film your kind having a tantrum and put it online. Don’t make fun of your kids. It’s cyber bullying. Don’t crack an egg on your kids head and film it for the internet.”

The best barometer is parents asking themselves one question:

“If you wouldn’t like your partner telling a story about you on the internet, or filming you unaware in a situation and putting it online for people you don’t know, then you shouldn’t tell that story about your kids."

Originally published as 18 million people saw me violate my child's privacy online