‘Enough’: Abbie Chatfield shocks with ‘rock bottom’ admission
The star has opened up about potentially going into a mental health facility in the aftermath of a vile incident last week. WARNING: DISTRESSING
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WARNING: DISTRESSING
Abbie Chatfield has in recent years become one of Australia’s most controversial public figures – a reality she is painfully aware of.
In her latest episode of her podcast, It’s A Lot, the media personality opened up about having suicidal thoughts.
The heartbreaking admission followed a shocking incident that happened while she was working at the Australian Open last week, where a man approached her, prompting Chatfield to accuse him of “harassment”.
Chatfield shed insight on the incident, saying in the podcast: “The day before he uploaded that, I was with my therapist speaking about my suicidal ideations to do with all this trolling, to do with feeling like I’m always surveilled, to do with feeling like no matter what I do I’m going to get trolled.”
The reality star turned podcaster emphasised that her current mental state was not solely a result of the incident, but rather a “slow burn” from years of being in the public eye and the scrutiny that comes with that.
“I’m just in a really bad spot mentally, and I feel like I need to be honest with you all,” the 29-year-old confessed in the episode titled I’m At Rock Bottom.
“It’s been five years of being trolled every day.”
The star noted that while many people trivialise the concept of trolling, its impact on her wellbeing was no joke.
“The reality is that people are increasingly commenting or DMing really hurtful and offensive things every day from their personal accounts,” she said.
“People are getting way too comfortable on the Internet. Whenever I post something, someone always finds a reason to have an issue.”
She said she receives up to 20 messages a day, cruelly telling her things like, “You look really ugly today,” and “I hope you die, b**ch.”
Over the years, these messages have intensified, which Chatfield said she believes is because of “emboldened” far-right movements and the rise of misogyny online, which she said had “gotten worse since (Donald) Trump’s gotten in”.
“If I post something that is left-wing and I don’t go far enough into it, people say I didn’t take it seriously enough, while others from the right label me a crazy extremist. There’s just no winning,” she said. “I feel like I’m the sacrificial lamb in all of this.”
Chatfield said the constant pressure and anxiety from expressing her opinions have led to profound self-doubt.
“I’ve never had such low self-worth before I entered this industry,” she said.
Adding to her struggle is the widespread misconception that she is an “over-sharer” or “attention-seeking”, which she insists couldn’t be further from the truth.
“I am very restrained. In fact, many of my friends don’t even know a lot about what’s going on with me,” she said.
The reality star turned influencer said that she was even trolled over happy the happy moments she shared.
“For instance, I uploaded a video on Christmas of me undoing the beautiful necklace that Adam got me. Someone commented, ‘Why do you have to film everything?’” she recounted.
“I don’t daily vlog. I don’t share every detail of my life. It was just one beautiful gift from my grandma that I decided to share.”
Chatfield also went into detail about the Australian Open incident, saying it confirmed her worst fears about being publicly humiliated and pushed her to breaking point.
“I was working at the Australian Open filming for Canadian Club,” she explained.
“A man approached me and began filming me. I initially thought he simply didn’t recognise me. I joked, saying, ‘I’m the high-kicking champion of the Australian Open’ to keep things lighthearted.”
The man replied, mocking her and uploaded the clip calling Chatfield a “crumb of the Universe”.
“I was finally feeling better after my therapy session (the day before) because I hadn’t gone to therapy in a long time. Then that happened, and it just confirms everything.”
After the clip went viral, Chatfield said people told her not to worry about it and claimed the man was probably just being “opportunistic” and looking for a “clickbait moment” rather than intending any real harm.
But that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
“I wake up every day, and I think, oh my God, another day. At the moment, my suicidal thoughts are just rampant. It’s like my resting thought is, f**k, I’d love to just go to sleep and not wake up.
“Like, f**k, that would be so nice. When I’m anxious, I think about ending my own life. This is because of this trolling, and because of all the things I’ve listed, it’s been a slow burn.
“I’m just at a point where I’m like, I actually can’t do this anymore. I actually just can’t deal with this anymore. I’m really tired.”
She also mentioned that people assume her loving relationship with her boyfriend, Adam Hyde, should make it easier for her to cope with her struggles, and while she acknowledges that it’s “much easier” - it doesn’t “fix” the situation.
She said the pair have even discussed recently whether or not she should go to a mental health facility.
“It’s very, very bad. Especially after that video the other day. I feel like everyone thinks I’m some awful, aggressive, evil, ugly beast.”
Regarding her next steps, Chatfield mentioned that she has deleted TikTok and Instagram from her phone and is disabling direct messaging for the next few weeks as a trial.
She also plans to block people who troll her instead of just restricting them and she now has a personal phone and a work phone.
“I hope things get better. I’m going to focus more on the podcast and put less effort into opinions on social media,” she concluded.
Originally published as ‘Enough’: Abbie Chatfield shocks with ‘rock bottom’ admission
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