Living Well with Laura Henshaw: Working through the struggles of self doubt & self worth

“What you choose to think about yourself and about life becomes true for you.”

If self-doubt is something you are struggling with—you are not alone. 

Empowering others to believe in themselves is something that comes so naturally to me, but when it comes to believing in my own self worth, it’s doesn’t come organically. I have been on a really big journey over the past few years with just this, and as someone who is still (and will probably always will be) walking the path, I wanted to share some of my learnings with you.

If self-doubt is something you are struggling with—you are not alone. 

We live in a world where accepting ourselves isn’t the default. The default is to do the opposite. We are constanlty exposed to the lives of others and what comes with this is the risk of losing sight of our own journey, because we are instead focusing on the journeys of those around us. Comparison is a key source of power for self doubt. It feeds it. The scariest part is what we are comparing ourselves to is often only 5% of someone’s actual journey, the best parts, because this is what they share online and openly with others. 

I remember so clearly, when I graduated from university, I was sitting in the hall about to receive my degree. As my peers got up to receive their certificates before me, I started comparing myself. Many of them had graduated with honours (I had not). So, instead of the joy I should have felt for completing my Law and Business degree while working full time and running KIC (which was a feat I should have been so proud of) all I could think about was that I was not good enough. By comparing myself to the other people in that room on my graduation day, I had robbed myself of feeling worthy enough, and of a very special moment. 

At every single point in our lives there will always be someone who is ahead of us, who by societal measures has a more ‘successful’ life, and there will also be someone less than. So, we must consciously make a choice to focus on our own story, or by default we will never feel like we are enough. 

Through my journey as CEO of KIC, I have been challenged to accept myself more than ever. I have high expectations on those around me but none so high as I have on myself. These expectations are a driving force for me, to continue to grow in my role but they also mean that I overly index into the feeling that I am not good enough. There is nothing scarier than not meeting the expectations we put on ourselves. Facing the fear of feeling like we aren’t smart enough, experienced enough, good enough. The fear that we let ourselves down. 

When you’re living through those moments of imposter syndrome or self-doubt, it’s very hard to think with common sense. But I’ve learnt that every time I walk into an environment that scares me (which is most days in my role) I have a choice. I can lean into the voice in my head that tells me that I am not good enough and then devalue myself in the moment, or I can push through. I can tell myself instead that I am worthy of every experience and I have everything I need to succeed in the moment. I choose to do the latter. 

I like to look at my self doubt voice as a protector, that I don’t need. When it pops up (daily) I repeat the same thing each time. I say:

‘Thank you for trying to protect me for pushing myself out of my comfort zone, but this is where I find the most fulfilment and growth and therefore I thank you, but I will leave you here (at the door).’ 

This mantra has helped me through so many moments on my journey. Without it, I would never have had the confidence to take the first step on KIC’s journey, or the second, the third. It is through putting my self doubt to the side that I have been able to discover and work everyday towards my life’s purpose—growing KIC, which ultimately helps others believe they are worthy, just as they are. 

This is something I am currently (and always) working through. Like all things in life, we have to put the work in to make impactful change. Self development is no exception. If you are reading this, know that you are so deserving of every single thing in your life. Your relationships, the love, your work, and every success. You are not an imposter, you are where you’re meant to be. 

I will leave you with a quote from Louise Hay. My coach recommended her book to me, and the words have stuck with me every since. 

“What you choose to think about yourself and about life becomes true for you.”

Originally published as Living Well with Laura Henshaw: Working through the struggles of self doubt & self worth