Could ChatGPT referee your family drama this festive season?

How does the AI stack up to a real therapist?

Could ChatGPT really be a stand-in for a therapist?

Can AI help you talk your way out of festive conflict? We took a chatbot to Christmas lunch, then asked the experts if its advice was right.

Whether it’s your brother’s nightmare kids, your ex-showing up at the Boxing Day barbecue with your partner’s best friend, or in-laws who never seem to have a kind word to sling at you, dodging conflict come holiday season can feel more like a game of hot potato than pass the parcel.

It’s enough to send some of us screaming to the nearest therapist, unless of course you’ve cottoned onto a far quicker and cheaper agony aunt that’s fast gathering fans: ChatGPT.

What you might know as the online resource used by teens for last-minute essays is now a preferred psychology support for a growing number of adults. According to one recent study, one in four Americans would rather talk to a chatbot than a human therapist, and 80 per cent find AI ‘therapy’ effective.

But what about the hornet’s nest of drama served up annually at family Christmas lunch? Body+Soul put ChatGPT to the test by posing an evergreen problem: what to do with a mother-in-law who seemingly hates your guts?

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Just like an IRL therapist, the bot works best with plenty of context. We mapped out our dilemma: year in and year out, our imagined mother-in-law is critical of everything, from what we’re cooking or what we’re wearing to how we’re disciplining our children. It makes us want a Christmas sick note. 

So, how did the facts-driven faux-psych hold up? After sympathising, ChatGPT suggested seeking common ground with said mother-in-law, listening actively and, importantly, finding a “good moment when you’re both relaxed” to talk. 

Before applying these tips, we decided to fact-check them with human experts.

Lissy Abrahams is a psychotherapist specialising in relationships. She says ChatGPT’s advice did provide a good jumping-off point for an embattled daughter-in-law. However, the AI showed inexperience. 

“It missed the fragility of the mother-in-law’s personality, evidenced by her hyper-critical nature and tendency for projection.” The bot didn’t have a handle on just how unreasonable humans can be. 

Could Chat GPT be the +1 to Christmas lunch you never knew you needed? Image: iStock

Abrahams, a veteran of many Christmases, suggested potentially skipping repair work on the relationship altogether. “It may be [worthwhile] focusing on becoming more resilient internally and dealing with this with your husband,” she says.

Dr Alissa Knight, clinical psychologist at The Calming Suite, added that ChatGPT isn’t particularly woke, either. Rather, it fell into some sexist stereotypes – for example, not questioning that the daughter should persist in trying to resolve the issue. 

“Women have been primed to do the emotional hard work and put up with bad behaviour to maintain harmony,” says Knight. “If the mother is unable to change, the daughter-in-law has every right to suggest she’s not welcome at family Christmas.”

Turns out that AI is a softer judge than a living, breathing expert. And way less dramatic than employing a lawyer to negotiate dysfunctional family dynamics.

AI isn't a perfect substitute for a therapist. Image: Getty

Chatbot speak explained

It takes one to know one. We ask ChatGPT how to get the most out of ChatGPT

Be specific 

“The more detailed your question is, the more precise I can be. Instead of asking, ‘How do I improve my relationship with my in-laws?’ specify which areas of the relationship you want to improve.”

State your goal 

“Let me know what you intend to achieve. If you want to find the perfect gift for a 12-year-old boy, tell me if it’s for Christmas, from you, or for your child to give them at a schoolyard Secret Santa.”

Think before you ask 

“Ask open-ended questions for detailed responses and closed questions for specific  information. Think, ‘What is the best temperature to cook a pavlova shell?’ not, ‘How does a pavlova shell respond to heat?’”

Originally published as Could ChatGPT referee your family drama this festive season?