ADHD is my super power and kryptonite all rolled into one

"The diagnosis was a real-life ‘penny-dropping’ moment for me. Suddenly, it made sense. I wasn’t difficult, I wasn’t a ‘hot head’, I wasn’t lazy."

Lisa is a proud mum. Image: Supplied

I’m not like everyone else. It’s safe to say that I always thought that my mind worked a little differently from everyone else’s but couldn’t quite figure out how or why.

 

As a child I had boundless energy, excelled in school in the subjects I loved, was the class clown in lessons for subjects which I wasn't interested in, and was regularly chastised by my teachers for daydreaming and going off into ‘Lisa’s world’. I now know this to be disassociation, which still is prevalent today.

As I got older, my friends and coworkers would often marvel at my multi-tasking skills, my boundless confidence, and ability to talk to anyone about anything with passion and genuine interest. On the surface, I seemed unstoppable.

I’ve always had the philosophy that we can achieve anything that we put our minds to. Embodying the notion of “if we can dream it, we can do it”. Testament to this statement, I guess I have been a true manifestor and am proud of the achievements I have achieved in my life as a result of being a doer, not just a dreamer.

On the surface (and on social media) it can often look like I have it all. I have a beautiful son, I run three successful businesses, live in this incredible country (which I moved to 14 years ago on a one-way ticket) and have a circle of wonderful friends. On the surface, this girl is on fire…

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Lisa is a proud mum. Image: Supplied

It’s not all sunshine, positivity and success

The truth, however, isn’t so sparkly.

There’s a double edge sword to my nature, which has often been crippling and has also resulted in the breakdown of so many of my relationships and friendships in the past, leaving me feeling alone, scared, and completely and utterly overwhelmed. This was exacerbated during the pandemic and manifested as anxiety, feelings of worthlessness, and depression. Feeling lost became second nature to me.

When it comes to my home, I’ve often found that the state of my living space is a true reflection of the state of my mind and wellbeing. I know I’m spiralling when I’m over-stimulated and dealing with procrastination and decision paralysis.

I can run businesses, win pitches, build a mobile startup from scratch and mobilise 250 people to donate their time to make my vision a reality – but when it comes to emptying a dishwasher, putting the wet clothes in the dryer or on the line, replacing groceries and cleaning the bathroom, well that’s another story. Life admin..? Forget it!

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The moment the penny dropped

I was diagnosed with ADHD late last year. Noting I was very much high functioning and that it wasn’t a surprise to my therapist that I’d only secured a diagnosis later in life. I would later understand that I’d become an expert at ‘masking’ my symptoms and subsequent breakdowns and outbursts, and only those closest to me would see the mask slip – unbeknownst to even myself.

The diagnosis was a real-life ‘penny dropping’ moment for me. Suddenly, it made sense. I wasn’t difficult, I wasn’t a ‘hot head’, I wasn’t lazy. I am neurodivergent - I’d been living with undiagnosed ADHD.

I was struggling and overwhelmed, ill-equipped to deal with a condition that was often debilitating.

Often when I talk about my diagnosis, which I do openly (over-sharing is another behaviour which I have been guilty of on many occasions), the question comes up:

“How much of it is ADHD and how much of it is just your character or personality?”

Or even more pointed and triggering: “Is it just an excuse for poor behaviour?” (Not going to lie, that one stings). 

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Understanding ADHD and equipping myself, (and others) with cognitive tools and habits 

Through my extensive research since my diagnosis, I have come to understand ADHD diagnosis in adults and how it often presents very differently in females. Very often we’re high functioning, used to masking our behaviour and dealing with our ‘monkey mind’ on our own, as not to bother people, or knock the apple cart. 

I also understand that I am not alone. It can be argued that ‘ADHD’ diagnosis is somewhat of a trend at the moment, with many being accused of ‘jumping on the bandwagon’ – I want to make myself very clear here, when you live with this daily, this isn’t something that you’d lie about.

Whilst there are countless benefits (as I like to call, them, my superpowers, and I honestly wouldn’t want to be any other way), and I wouldn’t change it for the world, ADHD often is crippling for me and renders me paralysed mentally, isolated from my friends and family, and feeling very alone – my true kryptonite.

In my career, I believe I’ve flourished due to being able to have 5 x thought tracks going at any one time. My boundless enthusiasm for adventure and my optimistic, pro-risk (I’d rather take a risk and fail and learn from it than thinking ‘what if’ forever) nature, for which, I have my ADHD to thank. 

When it comes to relationships, well that’s another story. There’s one podcast I follow, called The Tarah and Barry Show, in which this incredible couple speak candidly about Tarah and her ADHD and how partners can be supportive.

In all my relationships, my forgetfulness (flakiness), messiness, indecisive nature, clumsiness, getting frustrated with lost keys and/or phones, technology not working, and just myself in general, have been taxing for both me and my exes. Without the diagnosis, tools, and knowledge of what ADHD is and how it presents in adult females, I can absolutely see how it would have been too difficult for them, and often too much to handle.

Lisa knew her mind worked differently from an early age. Image: Supplied

RELATED: My son and I were diagnosed with ADHD at the same time

Life since my diagnosis

I’ve been overwhelmed by the resources, research, and case studies out there on this topic. I feel like I’m part of a community of neurodivergent people who are navigating our different way of thinking.

Through speaking openly about my ADHD and connecting with others who have experienced similar diagnosis/ symptoms I have realised that there is an abundance of tools out there to help me navigate the downsides of ADHD more readily.

Books like Atomic Habits have helped me to understand the importance of routine, and turning intention into action.

Organisations like Essence of Home help people with ADHD run their households more efficiently and also support functional interior design to support building a happy, productive and thriving household.

I also really benefit from hot and cold therapy, along with breathwork and meditation. Self-care is a huge part of coping with ADHD, which helps me to thrive rather than drown.

I know there are pharmaceutical solutions available, but this isn’t something I choose to do. I believe that everyone has to do what’s right for themselves - for me, that’s holistic self-care, forming habits and routines and speaking to others with ADHD to better understand myself.

I wouldn't change my ADHD for the world, I feel so much better now I’m aware that my brain works a little differently, and that I am able to navigate tools to support me. My only wish is that I knew about it a little sooner, so that not only I, but those around me and those who I love/ loved could’ve better understood why I am the way that I am. 

Originally published as ADHD is my super power and kryptonite all rolled into one