A healthy sex life can make you more creative – here's why

Yet another glorious benefit

For centuries, women have been shamed (and even punished) for having large libidos, and made to choose between being sexual and being taken seriously. Well we're here to lead the revolt on why having a high sex drive is more than a game-changer. 

I’ve had a high sex drive since I was really young. When I was in my early-mid teens, I relished the scenes in TV shows and movies where the characters would physically connect. I’d impatiently wait for the two main characters to kiss, I’d go back and replay their intimacy scenes, I’d sometimes even skip to the part where they “got together”.

In these moments I don’t think I was aware that these moments were turning me on, I just liked the way they made me feel. As I reflect on them now, the tingly feeling in my fingers and toes, the excited butterflies in my stomach – it’s clear that the rush that comes with intimacy (and feeling turned on) was a feeling I liked, even when I didn’t know what it meant. 

I just thought of myself as a hardcore romantic. One of my most consuming crushes – a boy that lived down the road from me – appeared in my sexy imagination with me all the time. I’d lie in my bed in the afternoon and imagine unbuttoning his Hawaiian shirt, him coming into the room and telling me he couldn’t stop thinking about me, my fingers running through his thick blonde hair and all the way down past his shoulders.

One day, the scenes became so vivid in my head that I decided to write them down. It was like (very) amateur erotic literature. I felt naughty writing it. I hid it in one of the thickest novels in my bookshelf and would read it in secret whenever I wanted to feel that rush. It made me feel excited, inspired, energised. 

I’ve actually never spoken about that story I wrote and revisited in secret. Or that I found masturbation really young. Or that sometimes I’ll watch montages of the best intimacy scenes in movies, because I still like how they make me feel. It’s the romantic in me, but it’s also my sex drive.

It’s always been higher than those around me. I’ve always wanted to be touched in a particular way, I’ve always wanted to play around with sex and sexuality, I’ve always wanted to be desired. 

Don't hold your high sex drive back. Image: iStock

And while I can’t deny that I feel inspired and creative in these spaces – especially when it actually comes to sex in exploration, and even more so as I get older – there’s always been a part of me that has tried to hide it. From my parents, friends and even lovers. I’m aware of not always being the one to initiate sex. I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable. I don’t want them to think that I’m super sexual and nothing else. 

But I’ve been reflecting on this recently. Like, why would they think that? That if I’m highly-sexual, that’s my main personality trait? My number one attribute? That means I can’t possibly be anything else, like intelligent, layered, creative? 

“There’s an idea that within this patriarchal system that we still exist in, women can’t be sexual, professional and intelligent,” says somatic sexologist Georgia Grace. “This doesn’t exist for men, for cis-men.”

What's not to love about watching sex scenes? Image: Unsplash

We might not feel judged on a daily basis or in the relationships we’re in, but it is true that we still live in a society of sexual shame. Especially as cis women. I can still remember the boys at high school talking about the girls who were being sexual as ‘sluts’.

There seemed to be two categories of girls: the ones that weren’t sexual, but were respected and valued, and the ones that were sexual, and constantly shamed both to their face and behind their back. They’d still be the ones that were kissed the most, the ones that would be called ‘hot’, but they weren’t spoken about in a respectful way.

I purposefully kept my sexuality to myself, because I didn’t want to be spoken about like that. I just suffered in my bedroom, holed up writing amateur erotic lit and dreaming about the day that someone would find me sexy and I wouldn’t have to expose my sex drive.

I felt like I had to choose between being sexual and being taken seriously. Like I couldn’t be intelligent and sexual. I couldn’t be sexual and top of the class. Instead of being spoken about as an empowering tool, a part of who we are, a creative release – women are taught that sex decreases their value. For me personally, I believed that sex decreased the value of my body, my brain and my future. I mean, what an outrageous thought!

In high school girls are judged for being sexual or not. Image: iStock

“There is so much proof that sex is creative and powerful. How many incredible, intelligent, cis women can we see doing incredible things while still being sexual?” asks Grace.

“We need to look at the facts. We are all multifaceted human beings and so we need to examine and adjust the binary ways we think. For many reasons the brain loves a binary right and wrong. But it’s very limiting, especially when it comes to the binary of being sexual or not sexual, intelligent or not.”

Living in a patriarchal system, she says, leads us to feel shameful about sex. Despite how comfortable or sexually confident we feel, many of us will still feel challenged by sexual shame. 

I often catch myself feeling angry about the total MYTH that women can’t be smart, creative and also highly sexual, because I’ve been having sex now for almost a decade and honestly? It makes me the most creative, expressive and intelligent version of myself. I feel powerful, strong, connected, independent and free, when I have sex.

I feel like I could write a thousand stories, read any room, look at myself in the mirror with holistic appreciation and understanding for my body and pleasure..… the list goes on. But most of all right now, sex betters my creativity.

Can't keep your hands off each other? No problem. Image: iStock

That’s because “sex is inherently creative”, says Grace. It’s about time we talked about that.

I’ve been with my current boyfriend for over a year, and it’s the most consistent and positive experience I’ve had with sex so far in my life. We both desire it regularly, we both like talking about it, asking each other questions, being explorative and working towards freeing vulnerability.

Just the other night, I felt the freest I’ve ever felt during sex before. Like I went to another dimension that allows me to feel safe to explore my desires and to let them out loudly. 

I’ve also been feeling more creative. Increasingly so. I wake up feeling revitalised and strong. I have new ideas, more energy, more confidence, a greater understanding of myself and therefore feel a little less lost. It’s as though my body makes sense to my brain. In my last relationship, I felt the opposite. I felt foggy, numb, uninspired. I wasn’t having sex and didn’t have the desire to.

So, my increased creativity has got me thinking – is my healthy sex life helping me be more creative? And if so, why does so much of society still believe that a powerful, intelligent and creative woman can’t also be having lots of wild sex?

I asked Grace for some insights. Let’s unpack 5 clear ways that having a healthy sex life can make you more creative. 

A high libido is always a good thing. Image: Getty

#1. You’re going off-script

Sex requires you to go off-script. You’re quite literally getting naked with someone else, getting close and entwined and seeing what happens.

“If you’re having sex in a way that is priotising pleasure and curiosity, it’s creative,” says Grace. “You’re not going in there with a script or main five moves that you’re going to try. When you feel like you have the skills, you’re meeting another person’s body and getting creative!”

Sex that prioritises pleasure – like the sex I’ve been having in my current relationship – is sex that encourages you to be spontaneous, because it makes you feel confident and calm. You don’t think about positioning yourself a certain way so that you look good in the lighting, or quieting your moans and unexpectedly passionate requests.

It encourages you to find things out about yourself and your partner, which requires going off script and revelling in spontaneity, which is massively creative.

Get in bed and get creative. Image: Unsplash

#2. You want to try new things

The desire for newness breeds creativity. When you get excited to try something new, you feel brave and creative. It’s like when you go to art school or do a writing course or something and the teacher says “open your mind” – they’re literally asking you to be open to new possibilities.

To do things differently to how you’ve been doing them before, to find new parts of yourself, to revisit old parts, and breathe new life into them. To experience that bravery, allows for a creativity that is expansive.

“Sex makes you want to try new things. It’s an inherently creative experience, act or practise,” says Grace.

Do it for the chemicals. Image: Getty

#3. You’re completely in the moment

You know you’re having good sex, when you’re completely in the moment. If your mind is drifting off mid-way through… it might be a sign something is off. But in a healthy sex life, sex becomes this release that allows you to be present with your partner, your bodies and your pleasure.

“When you’re having more sex you’re prioritising time in the moment,” says Grace, “you’re being present. You’re not on your phone, you’re not doing the to-do list. You’re following things that feel good and that is creative.”

Much like going on a holiday, where you put aside allocated time to switch off, be in the moment and focus on following your desires, healthy sex can breed creativity.

Let go of the pressure and have fun. Image: Unsplash

#4. Your sex-related neurochemicals are surging

And then, there’s the physical impact sex has on our bodies. “If we look at the neurochemicals: oxytocin, dopamine, serotonin – they make us feel good, more connected to our bodies (which makes us feel more creative).” 

Good sex literally gives us good body chemicals. Like eating a delicious meal, looking at a beautiful view or achieving a bucket-list goal, good sex releases natural happy chemicals in our brains, which make us feel empowered and creative.

#5. You feel connected to others

In my experience, there isn’t much that makes me feel creative more than a sense of belonging; that I’m connected to others. Good, healthy and safe sex, both emotionally and physically, is the epitome of that feeling.

“The [neurochemicals] make us feel more connected to others,” Grace says. That feeling of finding someone to share a moment with, of feeling seen, heard, cared about, adored… these are all feelings that breed creativity. 

Originally published as A healthy sex life can make you more creative – here's why