How friends and ‘fire family’ were crucial during PTSD battle
As a volunteer firefighter, Elle Pookapund Goh was always the one saving others. But after the Black Summer bushfires and years of trauma, she faced her own mental health crisis.
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As a volunteer firefighter, Elle Pookapund Goh is accustomed to being the rescuer.
Take Black Summer, where she spent 45 ash-covered days saving homes, people and animals
– and being plagued by guilt for those they couldn’t.
When her shifts ended, she’d return to work without a word of the devastation she’d seen.
Back then, Ms Pookapund Goh had no idea that her own mental health was going up in smoke.
But years of trauma from both her job in national security and volunteering finally caught up with her in 2023 when she had two post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) episodes.
And this time, it was her friends, parents and “fire family” at the Hornsby Heights Rural Fire Brigade in NSW who came to her rescue.
“You tend to have to think that you need to save everyone because it’s your profession, and I was never one to confide in others,” the Wahroonga 32-year-old said.
“But having a menty-B (mental breakdown) made me go ‘I’m really not OK’.
“I realised that friends can look after each other, and it made such a difference to my recovery.
“I have closer relationships now than I ever have.”
Counselling sessions with an emergency services PTSD specialist opened her eyes to just how
far her mental health had plummeted.
Healing has come through a mix of medication, trauma therapy and hobbies such as woodcarving, axe throwing and exercise, and the flexibility to compact five work days into four.
“I didn’t realise it but I already had PTSD when I went into the 2019 and 20 bushfires – and I only got more traumatised,” she said.
“A lot of the time it’s not actually the incidents themselves, but the ongoing elevated stress that you experience.
“People don’t think about things such as seeing all the cattle that died and needed burying. “And the guilt when you seeing somebody’s house burn down … you feel personally responsible for every single home that you lose.”
Her mental health issues were compounded by a distressing incident involving an ex-partner,
and the shocking incidents she was exposed to in her former government role.
“I wasn’t on the front line in the security work but I was experiencing vicarious trauma, which was only just starting to be talked about back then,” she said.
“I became hyper vigilant, I had a lot of anger issues, I was depressed and on top of that, it was a sector that prides itself on secrecy – so I wasn’t able to talk to my parents, friends or even colleagues.
“It was a very long road to recovery.”
Ms Pookapund Goh now regularly shares her story as an ambassador for Fortem Australia, and said being able to safely open up to her friends and family was a game-changer.
“My friends have a secret squirrel network and will say ‘Have you spoken to Elisabeth today?’,” she said.
“The amount of people who text me when I go dark is astounding.
“Getting those little messages to say they are thinking of me during their day has been really comforting.”
The emergency management consultant said her friends had a special term for the small acts
of kindness they do for each other.
“We call it pebbling, as penguins supposedly give each other stones when they like each other,” she said.
“This is what we do to say ‘I’m thinking of you’.
“They’ve all got their own things going on, but they will drop something off at my door, leave something in my locker at the RFS, or force me out of the house when I’m going through a rough patch.
“It’s been really special.”
Can We Talk? is a News Corp awareness campaign, in partnership with Medibank, helping Australian families better tackle mental wellbeing. To follow the series and access all stories, tips and advice, visit our new Health section.
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Originally published as How friends and ‘fire family’ were crucial during PTSD battle
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