Anyone who has waded through the murky swamp of ‘trying’ (and subsequently failing) to fall pregnant will know that it’s incredibly difficult. It’s emotionally taxing, and isolating, and when your version of trying for a baby includes IVF, it’s also physically uncomfortable and very expensive. This often leads to what everyone hoping to get pregnant is trying to avoid – stress.

Charmaine Dennis is a naturopath, fertility and health expert, and the founding director of Fertile Ground Health Group. “Nobody is saying stress causes infertility, but infertility certainly causes stress,” says Dennis. With over 20 years of experience in the industry, Dennis sees the key to managing this stress as calming your nervous system. 

“Things like meditation, massage, being in nature, and having less stress at work – whatever you can do to help down-regulate your nervous system is going to be helpful,” she says. “And it’s very individual, not everyone responds to the same thing.”

When it came to my experience, there were four things that helped me manage the mental and emotional toll of IVF.

#1. Listening to other people’s IVF stories

One of the hardest parts about undergoing multiple rounds of IVF is how isolating it is. Similarly to conceiving naturally, you don’t always want to share the ins and outs of your journey with those around you. However, unlike conceiving naturally, with IVF you are on strict schedules with dates locked in for various procedures. This makes work and socialising very difficult.

Made plans to have lunch with friends on Saturday? Well, your nurse just called and you’ve got an egg collection booked in now. If you’re keeping quiet about your fertility plans, then you must become creative with your excuses for pulling out of plans last minute – or why you’re having another ‘sick’ day at work.

To combat this isolation, I sought out other people’s IVF stories. One podcast that helped tremendously was Big Fat Negative (or BFN). Hosts Emma and Gabby have both been through IVF and speak candidly about their experiences. The podcast is able to straddle the light and shade of IVF, while giving listeners a good belly laugh in between.

BFN even spawned a book in 2022: Big Fat Negative: The Essential Guide to Infertility, IVF and the Trials of Trying for a Baby. Other podcast recommendations include Australian Birth Stories (for episodes that involve fertility stories), Womb Room, What the IVF and Beyond the Bump’s series Before the Bump.

#2. Acupuncture 

Google “how to increase your IVF success rate” and you will come across dozens of articles citing the benefits of acupuncture. Despite my initial hesitation (did I really want more needles stuck into my body?), my acupuncture sessions had an incredibly calming effect on my mind and body. “I think that is one of the proven benefits, if nothing else, people feel so much more relaxed,” says Dennis.

“They generally sleep better and are coping better with the outcomes of the cycle as an effect of the acupuncture.” For the uninitiated, Dennis says that what most people think about acupuncture is incorrect. “It’s nothing like they would expect, if they were expecting pain or sharp stabbing sensations, it’s not like that.” 

#3. Guided meditations 

Before IVF, the idea of practising meditation was a bit like joining a mixed netball team. Great for some, but not for me. The thought of sitting still and clearing my mind – while getting stressed about trying not to think – was not my cup of tea. That was until I found a guided meditation specifically for embryo transfers. I came across the recommendation on social media and decided to give it a go.

Although I was sceptical at first, listening to these meditations after significant IVF moments (egg retrievals, embryo transfers etc.) had a calming effect and helped me to feel that I was actually doing something. Other than taking your medication and showing up to your appointments, there’s not a lot of control you have when undergoing IVF and this can be very difficult to navigate.

Fertile Ground has a series of free guided meditations available for all stages of the IVF cycle.

#4. Saying ‘to hell with it’ and making plans anyway

Aside from the injections, loneliness, and general rollercoaster of emotions, being unable to make plans was one of the most difficult parts of IVF. When you are trying to conceive, everything is dependent on your cycle (which can be unpredictable). This means that all future plans become beholden to when you might have an egg collection, embryo transfer, ultrasound or blood test. 

After nine months of scheduling our lives around IVF, we said, “To hell with it” and booked an overseas holiday. Having something to look forward to helped take my mind off the current cycle, and if it was unsuccessful, at least I would be drinking a cocktail by a pool or a beach somewhere soon. 

To my surprise, that was the embryo that took. Even though my holiday involved less relaxation by the pool and more time in the nearest restroom, I was grateful to have finally finished my journey with IVF.