Off-the-record: The salacious gossip from the Gold Coast’s Glitter Strip

WE all know the expression ‘if the van’s a rockin’…’. It seems someone on the Gold Coast has converted that saying into something else … a mobile knocking shop.

A van like this one is doing the rounds on the Gold Coast offering mobile ‘happy endings’.

OFF-THE-RECORD: From a ‘happy ending’ van to a rich dude wanting a plane to wait for him and a husband who well and truly put his foot in it.

This is the latest head shaking moments Gold Coast Bulletin gossip columnists Regina King and Peter Flowers encountered on the Glitter Strip.

IT’S LIKE COAST’S ‘UBER’ FOR HAPPY ENDINGS:

We all know the expression ‘if the van’s a rockin’…’

It seems someone has converted that saying into something else … a mobile knocking shop.

‘Have fun will travel’ could well be the motto for this hands on business which uses a nondescript van with blacked out windows to travel hither and yon dispensing happy endings for all who enter.

As a business model it sort of makes sense as pesky overheads such as rent and electricity are eliminated while the ‘premises’ can be used for camping holidays as it is already fitted with a bed.

HOLD THE PLANE

Is it possible that this dapper dude has an exalted opinion of himself?

How else to explain why he had his P.A. make a call to an airline at Brisbane Airport with a simple request.

The great one was running late and wanted the plane’s schedule takeoff delayed until he got there.

Hmm!

What response do you think was given? To quote John McEnroe — You cannot be serious.

This Gold Coast man wanted an entire flight to wait for him.

THE UNDATEABLE RICH GUY: ‘HE’S A PIG’

This middle aged bachelor has lots of money, a good career and is passable in the looks department.

So why then is he struggling to land a permanent girlfriend?

One babe explained it very simply. “He stinks!”

Warming to her task she continued. “His personal hygiene is disgusting and not just that because his table manners are appalling. He uses his hands to eat wherever possible, licks his knife, breaks wind and laughs about it — in short he is a pig.”

See, money is not the be all and end all of everything.

THE SMALL FONT

We’ve all seen those prize forms — fill in your details and you will be contacted if you win.

What has got people shaking with laughter about this one are the terms and conditions. There are well over 2,000 words in ultra-small print are on the back of the entry form detailing what hoops need to be jumped through before you can claim your prize.

Weirdly this is supposed to attract customers but one legal type said that the conditions are so complex that they render the promotion illegal.

‘LET THEM ENDURE THE NIGHTMARE’

The same sex marriage debate has claimed another victim.

Thinking he was out of earshot of his ever-lovin’ wife this foolish, foolish man explained to friends his position on the subject.

“I don’t have a problem in voting ‘yes’. Why should we straights be the only ones who have to endure a nightmare of a marriage — let them suffer like the rest of us.”

Unhappily his ‘until death do you part’ wife overheard the remark and we’re guessing the nightmare is about to get even more terrifying.

RUTH TATE’S SURPRISE PARTY:

Anyone who has ever tried to plan a surprise party knows how difficult it is to keep the details a secret from the ‘suprisee’.

Mayor Tom Tate and Mayoress Ruth Tate at Ruth's surprise birthday at Cicchetti Restaurant. Picture: Regina King

A big tick to Mayor Tom Tate for executing a plan to perfection and surprising his wife Ruth at Cicchetti Restaurant on Monday night.

Friends and family gathered early and were seated when Tom and Ruth entered the restaurant.

No loud cries of ‘surprise’, no spontaneous applause — the idea was for Ruth to walk in and take her seat at a table.

Only when Ruth looked around did she notice so many familiar smiling faces and realise she had been ‘got’.

Then the cheers and laughter began for an embarrassed but happy Mayoress.