Palace’s ‘meltdown’ over leaked Charles funeral plans
The palace is reportedly having a complete “meltdown” over leaked documents pertaining to King Charles’ funeral plans.
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Until the Queen Mother died at the shockingly premature age of 101-years-old, she was hailed as the embodiment of a uniquely British gin-laced, buck-up-chaps Blitz spirit.
She epitomised ‘keeping calm and carrying on’, even in the face of dive bombing jerries and Châteauneuf-du-Pape served with fish.
I’m betting that this week she would not be amused by the goings on inside Buckingham Palace after “desperate royals” recently “went to war” over someone inside the Palace whispering the “most sensitive of royal secrets” to the press.
And she would not be amused by the fact that the Palace is now battling leaks on multiple fronts after closely guarded details about not only the “change of reign” but also about the King seemingly entering peace talks with a certain rudderless, isolated Californian duke.
If Nelson had run this sort of far from watertight operation at Trafalgar, the Brits would be singing The Marseillaise at Villa Park today.
This all started when the staunchly monarchist, Union Jack-waving Telegraph published an extraordinary scoop last month – the top, top, top secret details of King Charles’ funeral planning.
Codenamed Operation London Bridge (as all sovereigns’ are) the reportedly several-hundred page Bible-like playbook for what happens after Charles dies will see eco elements at his funeral (recyclable fascinators maybe?), a reduced mourning period and the real clanger – the return of self-exiled, one-time TV producer Prince Harry to royal front ranks.
This will mean in the first days and weeks of King William V’s reign will see his long estranged brother, his wife Meghan, The Duchess of Sussex and their children Prince Archie and Princess Lili, dramatically return to the UK and, temporarily at least, resume their place in the royal family.
Now, let’s be clear. The Telegraph piece makes pains to point out that “There is no suggestion that the King’s reign will not continue for many more years.”
(In fact, one of Charles’ closest aides reportedly told the royal rota that His Majesty “is living with cancer, continuing with treatment … and doing extremely well on it”.)
The truth is, Their Majesties’ funeral plans are something that are started decades in advance. The late Queen’s was probably onto its third draft when colour TV was invented.
Understandable then that even after the Telegraph got hold of Charles’ Bridge planning, outwardly the Palace appeared sanguine, the only line in the story coming from them saw them ‘caution against speculation’.
You know what they say about appearances.
Now it has been claimed that this was far from the full picture; that behind the scenes, Charles’ staffers were allegedly, and this is the technical term, having kittens over the leak.
The revelation of His Majesty’s funeral blueprint saw one of the King’s top aides have a “meltdown”, according to a Daily Beast exclusive, before they launched “a huge censorship operation to ‘contain the spill’”, which sounds like the sort of mucky mop up effort required after an oil tanker craters and takes out half the penguin population of the Puget Sound.
Cor blimeby gov’nor.
In fact this episode, the Beast’s Tom Lachem writes, lays bare the “iron fist in a velvet glove” of Palace operations.
The whole thing sounds less genteel sorts in a lesser drawing room writing charity press releases while listening to Brahms on the wireless and more North Korean Ministry of Information.
The storm broke in late June when the Telegraph ran the piece entitled “Prince Harry and Meghan at heart of King’s funeral plans”. The Sussexes’, deputy royal editor Victoria Ward reported, are at “the heart of [the King’s] funeral plans” and Charles “is adamant that his youngest son take his rightful place at the centre of his family” when the sad day comes.
This will see the duke “walk side-by-side with his brother, by then the King … through the streets of central London” and both Harry and Meghan “will be invited to … play a prominent role alongside the most senior royals during the funeral service.”
Given that the distance between Harry and the King probably can only be measured in light years – emotionally, psychologically, metaphysically – this was all astonishing stuff, concrete plans to bring the Sussexes in from the cold, even if temporarily. (Hard to see the new King William doing much fraternal forgiving or handing back of the Frogmore keys.)
Making the Telegraph’s bombshell all even more incredible – the Beast says the leaked Bridge details had “originated from within Buckingham Palace’s planning operation.”
(Chatham House rulz okay?)
Enter this story’s star player, Tobyn Andreae, the King and Queen Camilla’s communications
head, who has dragged from the Palace shadows over the last and found his mug all over the Daily Mail.
Andreae “was very, very, unhappy” and “multiple sources” told the Beast that Andreae “had a meltdown” over the report.
After the Telegraph story came out, “courtiers began an extraordinary operation,” the Beast reports, to try and stop all the other UK newspapers also covering the leaked Bridge revelations.
As the Beast points out, this appears to have worked. No other British outlets reported on the King’s plans to bring the Sussexes back into the royal family, even if temporarily.
Then, a couple of weeks later, came Andreae’s starring moment, finding his face splashed all over the Daily Mail. Somehow the paper managed to have a paparazzo in place to record a “peace summit” involving the spin doctor and two of the Sussexes’ top aides, including their communications head and head of household Meredith Maines. Even though the trio just had “casual drinks,” per the Mail, this meeting was the biggest step towards patching things up between London and Montecito that we have seen in years. What next? The formal exchange of gift baskets?
Between the Bridge details being fed to the media and, you’d have to guess, someone tipping off the Mail (the Sussexes were reportedly “frustrated” over the secret meeting being made public), Andreae is really not having a crash hot time of it right now.
Lips would seem to be decidedly loose right now and all this manoeuvring and planning being splashed all over the internet and the media can hardly be welcomed by the ‘iron fisted’ Palace now can it? At this rate someone will be blabbing about Queen Camilla’s regular Nandos order tout suite.
Let me leave you with the most useful but wonderful bit of royal trivia I have ever picked up.
If The Marseillaise had ended up as the British national anthem then, handily, the Queen Mother could reportedly play it on the mouth organ.
Simply brilliant.
Daniela Elser is a writer, editor and commentator with more than 15 years’ experience working with a number of Australia’s leading media titles.
Originally published as Palace’s ‘meltdown’ over leaked Charles funeral plans
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