Beyond Blue’s Dr Luke Martin on how to stop your teen doomscrolling
Doomscrolling is harming our teens, says Dr Luke Martin. Here’s his top tips to get them off their phone.
It starts with a simple news reel on social media. Interest piqued, the teen dives into the next news post on their phone, starting an endless, soul-destroying spiral into more negative and distressing content.
This is doomscrolling – and it’s taking impressionable kids on a depressing descent that triggers intense feelings of uncertainty and anxiety.
“It brings the worst aspects of the world constantly front of mind for a young person, which can make them not feel optimistic about their future,” says Dr Luke Martin, clinical psychologist with mental health support service Beyond Blue.
“It’s displacement theory, time doomscrolling is time that you’re not doing other things that are good for your mental health – you’re not seeing people face-to-face, you’re not being active with your body, you’re not being creative or out with friends so there’s this indirect effect as well. There’s a long list of harms and concerns that can come from doomscrolling.”
In that oppressive overwhelm, parents can feel helpless to stem the never-ending slide.
But there is hope. Here, Dr Martin gives his top tips to disconnect from the doomscroll and plug into the offline world.
PLUG INTO COMPASSION
The first step is to reach out with empathy and understand what is driving a young person’s need to be attached to their phone, says Dr Martin.
“Doomscrolling feeds a compulsive need to gain more information in an attempt to gain control over something that feels out of control,” he says.
“It is like chasing a certainty and a reassurance that the feed will never provide you. We know from a lot of research that this constant exposure to distressing news can heighten a young person’s symptoms of anxiety, depression and even hopelessness.”
Parents need to acknowledge that mobile phones are “very sticky to use and hard to put down” – even for much more mature adults – and help young phone users to be aware of that power.
“Instead of shaming or blaming our teens, we need to start from a place of empathy about the dynamics that they’re involved in that are really nothing to do with them as an individual,” says Dr Martin, who urges parents to “keep the lines of communication open”.
“That might mean that you lose some battles, you don’t have to turn up to every fight you’re invited to as a parent.
“But ultimately you want to keep the conversation going because we also know that teens can have some really hard and harmful experiences online and if they’re worried that you’re just going to take their phone away or shame them if there’s a problem, they won’t come to you. We want them to feel like they can come to us, it’s really important.”
THE STRESS SWITCH
Checking social media feeds is a “self-soothing activity” for many young people, says Dr Martin. They use it to wind down at the end of a hectic day.
“They’re de-stressing by blanking out going on their phone,” he says.
“That’s okay in moderation but if it’s their only coping strategy, it can be a little bit tricky.”
One way to short circuit the online obsession is to encourage kids to see the negative effect of their doomscrolling and switch to other, healthier ways to reduce their stress.
“Help them to bring a bit more self-awareness to their usage and identify how they feel when they’ve been doomscrolling, how they feel when they come off. It’s a bit like junk food – you feel the need to eat it but you don’t feel great after you’ve done it,” says Dr Martin.
“It’s a conversation with your teen around how does going on your phone this often looking at this kind of content make you feel and let’s bring in some other ways of de-stressing during the day. If you’ve helped them create this self-awareness loop where they can identify that it doesn’t always make them feel great, you can encourage them to try other things. It might be going for a walk with you and the dog or going for a kick of the footy or doing some art or baking, just gently introducing some other activities to broaden their repertoire of how they de-stress at the end of the day.”
USAGE LIMITS
When it comes to phone usage and teens, it’s about time – two to four hours a day is Dr Martin’s recommended limit for young people.
“I know a lot of young people, when they get that time allowance, become a bit more intentional about their screen time, which can be really, really helpful,” he says.
Dr Martin says parents can tap into the features on a child’s phone, which often include alerts when a time limit has been breached.
Dedicate a space in the house where all family members must leave their phones when they are not being used and put strict rules around no phones at the dinner table or in the bedroom that everyone has to follow.
“That way you’re not just pointing the finger at the young person as the problem, it’s just the way we do things in this family,” he says.
“These phones can really become a battleground and that can be a frustration. I’ve heard of parents who’ve taken their phone and literally thrown it in the lake because they’re so frustrated about the phone use.”
BE THE MODEL
Parents need to take an honest, exposing look at their own mobile phone use. What are they modelling for their children – and how can that be changed?
“You need to model the example you want to see,” says Dr Martin.
“That’s a hard one of facing the uncomfortable truth about your own usage. Then you can have an honest conversation with your child that as a parent you’re finding it hard, it’s hard to get the balance right every time. Letting your teen inside the tent a little bit takes a bit of the heat out of the battle so you’re able to have a more open conversation about how do we navigate this together. Letting them into your thought process – am I being too tough here or too soft – can help break down some barriers as well.”
NEW CONNECTION PLANS
Building new family traditions or rituals is one of the most “underrated” ways to help teens’ mental health, says Dr Martin.
It can be as simple as having takeaway on Wednesday for surviving “hump day” or watching a movie together every Sunday night.
“I do one with my kids with a Viking horn, I call it the ‘good human’ horn – it’s values-based, not achievement-based – and when someone does something that we’re really proud of, we put a bit of soft drink in the Viking horn and we cheers them and all take a sip out of it,” says the dad of three daughters.
“It becomes ‘the way we do things in this family’, things we do that other families don’t necessarily do. Small family rituals that are unique to your family are one of the most powerful ways you can create a sense of belonging to a family. And that sense of belonging is one of the most protective things we can do for our kids’ mental health.”
DIM THE DOOM
With so much confronting news in their daily feeds, it’s inevitable that teens and tweens are going to be exposed to some scary stuff.
Dr Martin suggests parents talk through the news with their children to help them “make sense and meaning of it”.“As a parent, if you demonise social media too much you risk showing your kids that you don’t get their world because social media is such an integrated part of their world,” he says.
WHEN TO GET HELP
If the overwhelm has become too much – and the constant tragedy and terror is affecting a young person’s mental health – it’s time to reach out for help.
Dr Martin says a child will show “subtle flags” that they are not coping. They might be more moody and irritable or withdrawn, refusing to engage in their usual hobbies or join family outings and isolating themselves in their room.
“It’s really just about having that open, gentle, caring conversation ... know that they might not tell you everything in the first chat, it can be a bit of a process over time of checking in, planting the seed that you’ve noticed something and waiting for them to talk to you,” he says.
“Often with teens, that happens when you’re out doing something – driving in the car or walking the dog – and you’re side-by-side they might be more likely to open up about what’s going on and when they do, it’s more about listening more than you talk and helping them explore their options about what to do about it.”
Those options can include reporting a harmful experience on a social media platform, seeking advice from the eSafety Commissioner or support from a mental health expert.
The eSafety Commissioner’s Children and Social Media Survey last year found that 84 per cent of eight to 12-year-olds have used social media.
“The kids are getting in really early. It’s almost never too early to have it on your radar, even if you’ve got a child you think is nowhere near social media-ready,” says Dr Martin.
“As a parent, I think there’s a lot of value in knowing you’re not alone, you’re not the only parent who is struggling to manage their kid’s phone use.”
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Originally published as Beyond Blue’s Dr Luke Martin on how to stop your teen doomscrolling
