Psychologist Clare Rowe explains how ‘PlayStation Parenting’ gives kids boundaries and rules

Educational psychologist Clare Rowe says ‘PlayStation Parenting’ is the key to parents taking back control over their kids – but it’s not what it sounds like.

Parents should take back control of their kids, educational psychologist Clare Rowe says.

The other day a mum told me her eight-year-old completely lost it because she cut his sandwich into squares instead of triangles. Full-blown tears, a slammed door – the works. She admitted she ended up eating the sandwich in the pantry just to avoid another argument.

Sound familiar? Somewhere along the way, kids started calling the shots and we started walking on eggshells. And honestly? It’s time we reclaimed our role as the adults in the room.

As a child psychologist (and a parent who’s witnessed more than one wrong-toast meltdown), I see it every day. Teachers are worn out, parents are exhausted, and kids? They’re more anxious and unsettled than ever. We’ve forgotten how to set boundaries. We’ve forgotten Behaviour 101.

And no, I’m not talking about going back to the bad old days of “because I said so” and reaching for the belt. I’m talking about the basics: boundaries, consistency, and consequences – the stuff kids actually need to feel safe and thrive.

Parents often feel helpless when dealing with their naughty kids.

Here’s the thing: we’re all wired to avoid negative consequences. It’s literally how human behaviour works. Our brains are designed to repeat behaviours that feel rewarding and to stop behaviours that lead to discomfort or loss. You touch a hot stove once and you don’t do it again. That’s not cruelty, that’s just biology.

When it comes to kids, we expect their behaviour to change based solely on a sticker chart. When there are no real consequences for poor behaviour, why would they stop?

We explain, plead, bargain… and then back down because we’re too tired to deal with the fallout – sorry but that is not “picking your battles”, that is losing the war.

Parents who don’t follow through with consequences to bad behaviour are “losing the war”.

PlayStation Parenting

We need what I call “PlayStation parenting”. Why do kids love video games so much?

Because the rules are the rules. They never change depending on how tired the PlayStation is, how busy it is, or how much it “feels like it”.

The boundaries are rock solid. If you mess up, you lose a life. No amount of whining changes it. Kids crave that kind of consistency because it makes them feel safe.

And that’s what we need to get back to. Kids need us to be the adults in the room. They need to know where the line is – and what happens when they cross it.

That doesn’t mean yelling, shaming or dishing out punishments we’ll never stick to (“No iPad for six months!” Sure, Jan). It just means calmly holding the line, like a PlayStation that never blinks.

We’ve convinced ourselves that consequences are cruel. They’re not. They’re actually the opposite. Kids feel safer when they know the rules won’t change depending on how frazzled we are that day.

And like I tell my clients, you have 18 years to turn out a fully functioning adult into the world… and time is ticking!

Stop making excuses

We have to stop making excuses. Yes, your child might be tired. Or hungry. Or emotional. Or have had a big week. All of that might be true – but none of it means they get a free pass to scream at you because you dared to cut their toast wrong.

And yes, I know it’s hard. Especially when the world seems to be watching and ready to pounce on any “bad parenting” moment. But the truth is, kids feel more secure and less anxious when we are clearly in charge. It’s exhausting for a child to feel like they’re the ones holding all the power.

We have to stop making excuses for our kids, Clare Rowe says.

But somewhere along the way, we’ve muddied the waters in schools. Restorative justice crept in – and while it sounds lovely in theory (everyone holds hands and talks about their feelings), it’s often used instead of clear consequences.

The result? Kids who shove someone into a locker end up in a “circle chat” with their victim, “repairing relationships,” instead of learning not to do it again.

Bring back old-school discipline

I know some people will roll their eyes and call it “old school”. But think about the kind of adults we actually want to raise.

Adults who can handle disappointment. Adults who can take a “no” without falling apart. Adults who can manage their emotions without needing someone constantly bailing them out.

So next time you find yourself negotiating with a six-year-old about brushing their teeth – stop. You are the adult. Set the limit, follow through, and watch your child thrive.

Because when kids learn their choices have real-world consequences, they’re learning the most fundamental lesson about life. And isn’t that the whole point?

Clare Rowe is a Sydney-based educational psychologist, blogger and speaker.

Got a story tip? Email [e-mail]

Originally published as Psychologist Clare Rowe explains how ‘PlayStation Parenting’ gives kids boundaries and rules