No Minister, parents not politicians should decide how to raise kids – so stop forcing families to use childcare | Clare Rowe
Health Minister Mark Butler said something very disturbing on TV that shows how families are being sidelined from the job of raising children, writes psychologist Clare Rowe.
When Health Minister Mark Butler recently remarked that his three-year-old “loves spending time with his grandparents, but it’s not the same as the learning experience you get from the local childcare centre”, he revealed something deeply troubling about the way our society now thinks about children and families.
We have reached a point where institutional care is not only normalised but publicly celebrated as better than being raised by your own family.
In the race to boost “economic participation” and achieve gender equality, we have created a system that quietly punishes women for wanting to stay home in those precious first years of their child’s life.
For all our talk of empowerment, most mothers of young children will tell you they don’t feel free at all. They are exhausted, guilt-ridden and financially cornered.
Between mortgage repayments, inflated rent, and soaring living costs, many Australian families simply can’t afford to have a parent at home, even if that’s what they believe is best for their baby.
Our childcare subsidy system reinforces this pressure. Instead of giving the subsidy directly to parents – allowing them to choose whether to use it for centre-based care, a trusted nanny, or even to support a grandparent who provides regular care, the government funnels billions into the early education sector.
Parents are told that this is “helping families”, when in reality it props up an industry and locks them into one model of care.
As a developmental psychologist, I am the first to champion early learning. But the research is very clear: in the first two years of life, infants thrive on consistent, one-to-one attachment with a primary caregiver.
That relationship, not structured group learning, is the foundation for every aspect of healthy brain development, emotional regulation, and future social competence.
High-quality preschool programs in the immediate years before starting school can, of course, play an invaluable role – helping children develop language, social, and self-regulation skills that ease their transition into formal education.
But this benefit doesn’t erase the need for secure, individualised care in the years before.
Studies from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child, longitudinal work from the NICHD Study of Early Child Care, and decades of attachment research all point to the same truth: young children under two do best with stable, responsive care from someone who knows and loves them – whether that’s a parent, grandparent, or dedicated caregiver.
Frequent changes, large groups, and overstimulation can, for some children, elevate stress hormones and interfere with secure attachment formation.
Grandparents are not second-rate carers; they are often the glue holding Australian families together. For many children, time spent with their grandparents builds emotional security, intergenerational connection, and a sense of belonging that no institution can replicate. And for the grandparents themselves, research shows this role improves wellbeing, life satisfaction, and even cognitive longevity.
To suggest that family care is somehow inferior to a government-approved centre is not only arrogant, it’s anti-family.
The deeper issue here isn’t just childcare policy, it’s the cultural devaluation of the family.
Western societies increasingly treat parenting as an inconvenience to be outsourced, rather than a sacred responsibility that deserves social and financial respect.
When both parents are forced into full-time work before their child’s first birthday, not because they want to but because they must, we have lost sight of what progress should look like.
True equality should mean freedom – the freedom for women and men to choose how to care for their children without being penalised financially or judged socially.
It’s time to redesign the childcare subsidy so that it genuinely serves families, not the childcare industry. Give parents the funding directly, and trust them to decide what’s best. For some, that will mean a high-quality early learning centre.
For others, it will mean a slower start – more time at home, more time with grandparents, more time to simply be together.
We talk endlessly about giving children the best start in life. The truth is, the best start isn’t found in policy slogans or brightly coloured playrooms, it’s found in the quiet security of being loved, known, and nurtured by the people who matter most.
Do you agree? Leave a comment below or email us at education@news.com.au
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Originally published as No Minister, parents not politicians should decide how to raise kids – so stop forcing families to use childcare | Clare Rowe
