‘No meant yes’: court hears US man raped, spat on and threw flowers at Sydney girlfriend

A Sydney woman says she was in crippling pain from endometriosis when her US boyfriend raped her, but he has denied it in court, saying she has a history of saying “no” when she really means “yes”.

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A Sydney woman says she was in crippling pain when a US man, who was dragging her into an increasingly intense relationship, spat at her because she had a male friend, raped her and then threw a bunch of flowers at her after turning up at her work, a court has heard.

But the woman’s alleged attacker and abuser is fighting her claims saying she liked to be “dominated” and he believed she was consenting despite her protests.

The US citizen was living on a tourist visa in the city’s north when he was arrested in early 2019 and charged with attacking the Australian woman, who cannot be named.

Generic picture of a woman outside a court. The victim in this case cannot be identified.

The 27-year-old has pleaded not guilty to two counts of DV assault and one count of sexual intercourse without consent.

The man has remained in police custody since his arrest and, this week, faced trial in the Downing Centre District Court where his alleged victim and former partner gave tearful evidence against him.

“I feel as though I have been raped,” the woman told a 1800RESPECT counsellor days after the alleged attack in October 2017.

“I said ‘no’ so many times. I buried my head in the pillow whilst it was happening. He said ‘are you okay?’ I said ’no I’m in pain, stop’ — he kept going.”

In a recorded interview, played in the court, the woman said she suffers from painful endometriosis and had told him she did not have sex while on her period because her condition hurt her so much.

Police allege the woman woke up to the man pulling out her tampon before raping her while she told him repeatedly to stop.

The woman later told the court he showed up at her work with flowers the next day and, when she refused his advances, he threw them at her and left.

She said she locked the door at her work and was scared of catching the bus home in case her “obsessed” partner showed up again.

“He told me he loved me in the first week,” she told the counsellor. “He’s just really intense.”

The woman’s phone recorded every call made to it and the jury heard numerous conversations between the couple throughout their tumultuous three-week relationship.

“The Crown relies upon the telephone conversations,” the prosecutor told the jury opening the case on Wednesday.

“In particular when she said ‘I didn’t want that this morning’, the accused said ‘you always say no but you like it’.”

The man, in one recording, is heard telling the woman they “had a conversation about this exact f***ing situation” because she liked to be dominated and he’d wanted her to use a “safe word”.

The woman told the court the budding relationship was far from easy and fun, he had allegedly had numerous angry outbursts and was trying to cut the woman off from friends.

The pair were driving to a restaurant in the city‘s east on one occasion, the court heard, when the woman told him she had a falling out with her best friend.

She told the court the man became extremely “aggressive”, telling her she had to end the friendship and block her friend.

Another time, the woman told the court, he spat on her after launching into another aggressive outburst because she had a close male friend.

“He didn’t believe men and women could be friends,” she told the court.

“He expressed instant remorse, he was emotional, he said he needed me around for his anger issues.”

The man, through his barrister Peter Williams, argues he never spat at the woman, didn’t throw the flowers and believed she was consenting in sex.

His legal team argues the entire relationship was based on her desire to be “submissive” and saying “no” was a type of “foreplay”.

“No didn't mean no, but no meant yes,” Mr Williams said. “Because having said no she said she would have consensual sex. (He) believed she was consenting.”

His legal team will address the jury at length following the completion of the witnesses and evidence on Friday.