Babies of September 11 terror attacks reveal they still grieve their fathers they never knew
Twenty years after the September 11 terror attacks, four children who never really knew their dads who were killed that day tell of the devastating toll on their lives.
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When terrorists struck America on September 11, 2001 the overwhelming majority of the 2996 people they killed were men, and seven out of eight parents who died were fathers.
Some of these children were so young they have little or no memory of their dads, and 108 were not even born.
As the 20th anniversary approaches, the children of 9/11 reflect on the rich legacy of the men they lost and how their families will mark the milestone.
Caroline Tumulty-Ollemar, 20, was just four months old when a second plane struck the Twin Towers and killed her father Lance.
A financial services employee, the 32-year-old had been working in his office on the 84th floor of the World Trade Center’s south tower. His remains have never been found.
“I’m still trying to get over the loss of something I never really had,” Ms Tumulty-Ollemar said from her family home in New Jersey.
“I was so young that I don’t have my own memories of him.”
Instead, she has gained a sense of who her father was with the help of her mum, Cynthia, and older sister Sarah.
“From what I’ve heard he was an amazing guy,” she said.
“He was fun, lighthearted. He was caring. My mum tried really hard to give us some of him.
“The only thing that gets to my family is seeing (footage of) the towers on fire or the plane hitting it … they’re live action shots of my father being killed.”
Caroline still feels a “strong connection” with her dad, two decades on.
“A lot of my grief comes from the ‘what if’ and the ‘oh my God, I can’t believe my mum and older sister had to go through that,” she said.
“I was unlucky in that I didn’t get to meet him (long enough to remember him) and because he’s never going to be at my graduation or walk me down the aisle.”
Caroline plans to celebrate her “fun-loving” dad’s zest for life at a football game with her boyfriend on September 11.
“We definitely haven’t finished grieving but he was such a lively person he wouldn’t want us sitting around and crying about it,” the family sciences university student said.
“His legacy is ‘you don’t know if you have tomorrow so live today’.”
College student Joe Jones, 20, was born seven months after his father Arthur Jones died at the age of 37 and says he has always grieved his loss differently from his three older siblings.
“My family kind of went through all of it and I wasn’t there,” he said.
“It’s always been a lot different for me growing up compared to the rest of my family, emotionally and how I deal with it.”
Because he doesn’t have any of his own memories of his father, a futures trader who was killed in the first World Trade Centre tower, Joe said the anniversary was harder for his two older sisters and brother.
“Probably over the past two or three years, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve thought about it more and realised the impact that it has on our family,” said Joe, a college student from Long Island.
“But I feel like it doesn’t affect me as much as it affects my siblings, they definitely think about it a lot more.
“My memories are kind of instilled in me. All I know are like the pictures and stories compared to where they have actual memories with their fathers so I think it’s got to be much harder for them.”
Joe said that despite losing her husband, his mother Carol Francolini had worked hard to teach her children to see the positives in their lives.
“She’s the best and she brought all four of us up and she would never let us see her have a bad day, and I think that’s reflected on me,” he said.
“I came to kind of take that personality trait from her, and I think that’s the best thing she could ever give me.”
Aspiring teacher Mark Lynch was so young when he lost his dad that the 21-year-old has not a single memory of him.
Mark was just a year old when his father Robert, a Port Authority worker, was killed.
“He was a civilian first responder so he was outside the towers when the plane hit and he went back to save some people,” said Mark from New Jersey.
“We are all really proud of my dad and it’s been a really motivational factor in my life.”
Mark, who recently graduated from college and is planning to work in education, also said his three older brothers and sister have struggled more with the loss of their father.
“In some ways it’s easier for me because there is not so much to remember there so it’s not like I have those connections,” he said.
“But then in another way it’s hard for me to not have those connections.”
He said the family was not planning anything special for the 20-year anniversary.
“My family, we like to have more of a calm night in instead of going out,” he said of the date.
“As much as we love the memorial and the services that everyone does it’s more meaningful for us to be with each other instead of being out with strangers.”
For communications worker Bradley Walz, who was three years old when his firefighter father Jeffrey was killed, the passing years mean struggling to hold on to his memories.
“I obviously don’t remember much and I have distinct little flashes but aside from that all I know about my dad is what I’ve heard,” said Bradley, 25, who lives in New York.
“He loved the Mets (baseball team) and I have barely missed watching a game since I was three, so I took after him in that respect.”
An only child, Bradley said his mother had made a point to keep close to his father’s family.
“When I’m with my father’s family they will say ‘your father used to do that’. Whether it’s true I don’t exactly know,” Bradley said.
“I have been told a lot of the personality traits I got from him. I look like him a little bit, but aside from that there are pictures, I have brief memories, but I never got to know him.
Bradley and his mother are also still close with the tight-knit Fire Department New York community, who supported them and even ensured they never had to clear their own driveway when it snowed at their Westchester County home.
“The connection is there with the fire department and there’s a tremendous amount of respect from them for me and my mum,” he said.
“Once when I was in high school my mum wanted to get a six month kitchen renovation and 25 of my dad’s old colleagues finished it in two days. They were in and out of my house and it was done. I don’t know if my mum had to pay, I imagine not.”
He said they didn’t have any special plans for the anniversary.
“I don’t think of the anniversary as a positive thing. 9/11 is never a good day for me. It’s never a good day for a lot of people,” he said.
Business owners Mike and Dan Friedman remember their stock trader father Andrew as their “rock”.
The twins were 11 years old when he was killed.
“He was he was everything to us. He was our rock. He was our mentor. He was our coach,” said Mike, adding he is still a daily presence in their lives.
“He taught us the values of differing between right and wrong about helping others and giving back. But he really was the type of guy that just enjoyed life to the fullest.
“And he truly lived every day, like it seemed like it was his last.”
The pair live near each other in Manhattan and in 2016 created a clothing business in their father’s honour, Tall Order.
They have donated more than $A50,000 to the charity Tuesday’s Children, which was established to support the families of the 9/11 victims and which helped them as they were being raised by their mother Lisa.
“Because of all the support that we got in our family after our dad died, we always felt it was a tall order to give back to those who not only helped us, but to pay it forward to those who are struggling through similar tragedies as well,” said Dan.
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