Australian Open has now become ‘excruciatingly’ unwatchable
The opening grand slam to kick start the year has been plagued by a nightmare trend that shows no signs of slowing down.
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There’s a tedious trend dogging the Australian Open and it’s not the grunting or the 4am finishes.
It’s the surge of player injuries interrupting matches so often the chair umpires will soon start calling time-outs just to play tennis.
Don’t get me wrong; nothing fires the juices like an attritional five-setter between two warriors who look like they’ve just crossed the line in the Hawaii Ironman.
But even with A Current Affair on hiatus during the tournament, there’s still more writhing on Channel 9’s broadcast than a dodgy compo claimant exposed by a hidden camera and it’s making the tournament excruciatingly unwatchable.
Whether it’s chronic cramp, early retirements or players simply calling time-outs to weep, rarely has a full set been played at Melbourne Park this week without first aid.
As we know, the local grand slam already struggles to complete matches before curfew, with last year’s new initiative to open competition a day earlier on Sunday still resulting in ungodly finishes in the wee hours.
But add these constant injury interruptions - and those unnamed who exploit the medical time-out rule for tactical advantage, i.e Novak Djokovic, and it’s only a matter of time before this tournament either grinds to a halt or is shut down by health authorities.
Looking at the first week alone, already there’s been so many sightings of the tournament doctor that they should’ve been seeded.
Alexei Popyrin spent his first round loss to world No.69 Corentin Moutet being twisted like a pretzel by his physio, Nishesh Basavareddy’s satanic cramp contributed heavily in his stop-start loss to Djokovic, while Tunisian right-hander Ons Jabeur interrupted her second round match with emotional asthma.
China’s Shang Juncheng bombed out of his match with Alejandro Davidovich Fokina due to a lame foot, 10th seed Grigor Dimitrov withdrew midway through the second round with a hip injury, while American Frances Tiafoe managed to grit his way past Frenchman Arthur Rinderknech despite his most significant first and second serves being his persistent vomiting.
Then the bombshell; the shock withdrawal on Friday night of two-time champion Naomi Osaka midway through her third round match against Belinda Bencic.
The Aussie contingent hasn’t fared much better, with so many locals battling injury that we’ll barely have enough personnel to conduct the customary Davis Cup spat with Lleyton Hewitt, let alone field a team.
Jordan Thompson was clearly hampered by a calf injury in his second round loss, while Nick Kyrgios and Thanasi Kokkinakis valiantly battled their respective wrist and pec injuries in the singles draw before prematurely ending their doubles campaign on Thursday night when they trudged off John Cain Arena halfway through their match like a pair of half-eaten biscuits.
Add dozens of players entering with niggles and the pre tournament withdrawals of big names like Barbara Krejcikova, Caroline Wozniacki, Karolina Pliskova, Fabio Fognini and 2023 Wimbledon champion Marketa Vondrousova, and the question must be asked:
When did the Australian Open become a retirement village?
Why are some players dropping like flies, and the rest so tired they would’ve been sacked by Gus Gould months ago?
Some blame the Melbourne heat, others poor conditioning, or if your Daniil Medvedev, you might just blame a GoPro.
But the reason Melbourne Park is full of stoppages and osteoporosis is this: Because of tennis.
Simply put, the professional tour has become such a jam-packed mess in recent years that it’s only a matter of time before Yonex release a line of mobility aids.
Now running almost 12 months of the year, some players scrimped an off-season prior to the Australian Open barely long enough to even bother unlacing the Dunlop Volleys.
Four-time major champ Carlos Alcaraz revealed he’d only had “one and a half weeks that I didn’t touch the tennis racket”, while 2021 Wimbledon semi-finalist Denis Shapovalov has previously claimed “I wouldn’t say there is even an off-season anymore.”
In short, these pros are still sleeping off 2018- and with the Australian Open heralding a new season, it means they’re fried before they even hit the pan.
It’s a long way from the game’s stately days when it was safe enough for your kids and your grandma, a pursuit who’s only health risk was airborne transmission, and that was only if you played serve/volley.
Nowadays the circuit is so gruelling it leaves players like Thompson, Kokkinakis and Kyrgios prematurely questioning their futures and even picking fights with Todd Woodbridge over scheduling and game show hosting.
- Dane Eldridge is a warped cynic yearning for the glory days of rugby league, a time when the sponges were magic and the Mondays were mad. He’s never strapped on a boot in his life, and as such, should be taken with a grain of salt.
Originally published as Australian Open has now become ‘excruciatingly’ unwatchable